Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Re-Write of Naked, Writing with Emotion Workshop
Softly, languid eyes worship you.
Each breath taken is in synchronicity,
two halves of the same reality
We traverse this hostile world,
rapped in the safety of our devotion.
The out side cannot get in.
The essence of my existence
the crux of it all.
Your are woven into every fibre.
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Candlewitch
Mon, 2011-09-05 12:07
divine!
Nice work in your re submission!
The essence of my existence
the crux of it all.
Your are woven into every fibre.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
lou
Mon, 2011-09-05 12:46
Cat
thank you so much.
love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
raj
Mon, 2011-09-05 14:47
Lou
Stanza #1: a nice way to express the emotion of Love through mingling of breaths which also indicates a kiss
Stanza #2: are you trying to say that no material elements will disturb the harmony? if so you need to take a re-look and re-work on this
Stanza #3: nicely expresses union of heart n soul...
in my opinion if you tweak up stanza # 2 it will make this fine poem finer...
raj (sublime_ocean)
lou
Mon, 2011-09-05 20:10
Raj
Thanks, I will take a look
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Mon, 2011-09-05 20:12
Chyrs
Thank you
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!