Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Womb to Tomb
Womb To Tomb
We were born naked kicking and screaming
Infinite potential personified and gleaming
Dragged into the iridescent light of a new day
Perfectly oblivious, fabulously ignorant
Unsullied by human intervention
Blissful sublime in our naivety
Held safe against your mother's breast
The womb was not yet vacated
The cord unbroken
School begins and the world rushes in
We are forever altered
Our senses assaulted by the reality of life
Life moves on full pelt
If adolescence doesn't kill then
We find the strength to face the working world
If we are lucky we find love and begin to make
Sense of it all, we have meaning
We feel safe
At the end of the day we exit this world
With the hope that it was all worthwhile
That we achieved something
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
scribbler
Sat, 2012-03-31 22:25
hi lou
as life accelerates as the result of passing time we all must wonder if we've done anything worthwhile........stan
lou
Sat, 2012-03-31 23:59
Stan
how true
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Sun, 2012-04-01 04:28
Kelsey
thank you very much, i'm pleased that you likes it.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Candlewitch
Mon, 2012-04-02 13:55
Dear Lou,
I liked the piece, but IMHO it some of the verses seem to lack the passion thsat is so strong throughout all of your other writes. I liked these lines:
At the end of the day we exit this world
With the hope that it was all worthwhile
That we achieved something
always, Cat (& eddy)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
judyanne
Mon, 2012-04-02 14:51
hi lou
'We were born naked kicking and screaming
Infinite potential personified and gleaming
Dragged into the iridescent light of a new day' - a great opening
i love the rhyme - especially the hidden as in
'School begins and the world rushes in
We are forever altered
Our senses assaulted by the reality of life'
but somehow as it progresses, the write loses its 'oomph'
it becomes a 'telling' instead of a 'description' if you understand what i mean
still love it, but it fades towards the end :)
love judy
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
weirdelf
Tue, 2012-04-03 02:39
though I find not much new in the way of content
there is a new poetic voice in this work, I love the sound and language of it.
You've been working on your craft, girlfriend!
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
lou
Tue, 2012-04-03 22:46
Hi all
thank you
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Esker
Wed, 2012-04-04 01:23
gauntlet
television cereal
and reality past three
..
school..(dread)
luckily for me I was shunned in grade five!
I just survived the gauntlet to eighteen
where one becomes elible to vote and
to go off and kill for ones flag!
(Then you are a somebody important and worth the while)
something I turned down
and poetry and darkness I picked up
Im making my imperfect little family unit but its mine
At least I got one!!! and when Im gone maybe all this
work will mean something
Intense and lively poem Lou I do relate muchly to this!