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Eternity apocalypse 3
Lonely planet, two inhabit the universe
Forging on the will to survive.
Indication of life amongst the remains
He discovers a loved one's grave
Making camp near by he keeps watch
Days pass, desolation resides.
He passes on, she passes by,
He has gone.
Eternal strangers, loneliness eating them alive
Each unaware of other.
Existing in parallel,
Live out there days alone,
Editing stage:
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Comments
Candlewitch
Sun, 2011-10-02 07:57
Dear Lou,
Are you trying to make me cry? This is very sad and forlorn. I like it!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
lou
Sun, 2011-10-02 11:09
Cat
Not trying to make you cry specifically, but in general job done.
Thank you
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Sun, 2011-10-02 11:10
Xena
A www shucks lol
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
judyanne
Sun, 2011-10-02 13:35
hello lou
Making camp near by he keeps watch (nearby - one word)
Days pass, desolation resides. - awesome line lou...
Existing in parallel, - i really like this
Live out there days alone, (their)
a very powerful write lou -
love judy
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
lou
Mon, 2011-10-03 00:09
Hi
Glad to see you. Thankyounforbreading and I'll make the corrections.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
wesley snow
Sun, 2011-10-02 14:17
Had a little trouble with the last line.
Somehow the grammar doesn't quite work, but I'm hooked on the tale and wish you would expand the pieces. A lot is here and I want much more. Get crackin' (if I may be so bold). wesley
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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lou
Mon, 2011-10-03 01:33
Wesley
I'll take a look at the last line, as far as expanding goes I think ill do that within a short story.
Thank you
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!