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Tree Hugger...
Tree Hugger...
When I awoke, I felt so bad,
I went to hug my favorite tree.
I thought about the fears I had,
No one would fear, but me.
"Too bad", I thought I heard it say
The bark, it scratched my face
I hugged it all the tighter
As my mind began to race
I'm losing it, I really am
"Too bad", I heard it say
Are my ears deceiving me?
Have I gone all the way?
"I will comfort you, my friend.
Hold me close again.
I'll take you down the rabbit-hole,
free you from your pain."
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Workshop:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2024-05-03 06:42
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Tree Hugger" presents an intriguing exploration of the speaker's emotional state and relationship with nature. It employs a consistent rhyme scheme, which contributes to the overall rhythm and flow of the piece. However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement.
1. Clarity: The poem seems to oscillate between the speaker's internal thoughts and the imagined voice of the tree. This can create some confusion for the reader. It might be beneficial to use formatting or punctuation to distinguish more clearly between the speaker's voice and the tree's voice.
2. Consistency: The poem begins with the speaker's personal fears, but the latter part of the poem seems to shift the focus to the tree's pain. It might be helpful to maintain a consistent focus throughout the poem to enhance the reader's understanding and engagement.
3. Imagery: The poem could benefit from more vivid and specific imagery. For example, instead of saying "The bark, it scratched my face," the speaker could describe the texture of the bark, the sensation of the scratch, or the emotional impact of this interaction. This would help to create a more immersive experience for the reader.
4. Theme: The theme of the poem seems to be the speaker's emotional connection with the tree, which serves as a source of comfort and possibly a projection of the speaker's own feelings. It might be beneficial to explore this theme more deeply and explicitly, perhaps by delving into why this particular tree is significant to the speaker or how exactly it provides comfort.
5. Language: The language used in the poem is relatively straightforward, which can be effective in conveying the speaker's emotional state. However, the poem could potentially be enriched by the use of more varied and sophisticated language, including figurative language such as metaphors or similes.
6. Conclusion: The poem ends on a somewhat ambiguous note, with the speaker asking the tree to "Take from me, my pain." It might be beneficial to provide a more definitive conclusion, perhaps by showing the outcome of this request or the speaker's emotional state after this interaction with the tree.
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Geezer
Fri, 2024-05-03 08:28
Thank you for...
your read and comments, I see what you say, but I did not use any direct imagery. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Mary Beth Magee
Fri, 2024-05-03 09:33
Intriguing
Your meter is captivating, Geezer, feels like your heart beating against the tree trunk. I feel the contradiction in emotions. Well done.
Thank you,
Mary Beth
Because your words have touched my heart,
I stopped to share a little part.
Be nice, supportive, kind to all
As we walk through this Poetry Hall.
Geezer
Fri, 2024-05-03 09:47
Thank you...
I really do have a huge old tree that is probably a hundred years or better, at the back of my yard, up against the embankment of the backyards and street above me. I haven't been out to hug him yet this year, [I do it with no one around; you know what they think of old people that go around hugging trees]. He is a great neighborhood friend, that harbors a couple of bird nests, a squirrel or two and one woodchuck, [gopher], in his roots. Still strong and healthy, he holds back the yard on the above street. I'll go out today while the weather is nice. I'll say hello for you. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Mary Beth Magee
Fri, 2024-05-03 20:29
Thank you
I appreciate you greeting him for me. Growing up in New Orleans, I was surrounded by ancient oak trees and fell in love with nature's sculpture in their silhouettes.
Thank you,
Mary Beth
Because your words have touched my heart,
I stopped to share a little part.
Be nice, supportive, kind to all
As we walk through this Poetry Hall.
scribbler
Fri, 2024-05-03 21:41
Hi Gee
I expect you found it difficult to write with a minimum amount of imagery
Geezer
Sat, 2024-05-04 07:32
Yes...
I did. It is more difficult than I thought at first. I appreciate Mark's thoughts, in so much that anyone who has sight, hearing, and touch; put their own images in the bland spots. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geezer
Sat, 2024-05-04 12:14
Then...
it becomes a matter of making the presentation of said images feel smooth and natural. Sometimes, while a word may fit the rhyme, the sound of the word clinks rather than snicks; this is where having a good vocabulary can be useful. ~ Geez.
.,
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Rula
Sat, 2024-05-04 15:44
Sir Gee
I know you have more to say and add. However I should say I found it quiet easy to get a full picture of the scene.
Looking forward to reading the version with added nouns and adjectives
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Geezer
Sun, 2024-05-05 08:17
Thankj you...
I'm hoping that I can manage to make it better. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.