When I was young, I made a list
Of things I hoped to do and see
Before I felt death’s cold hard fist.
It was a detailed list, indeed.
But years have passed, and goals change, too,
As age and money interfered.
My modern list, revised and true,
Gives me joy as I persevere.
The first goal now: to give more love
To everyone within my reach.
To lift them up as high above
The mundane as I can, and teach
Them to believe in their own worth.
My next goal is to stretch my heart
To bring more people of the earth

Only the wanting remains
as the struggle goes unspoken
with tears on the horizon,
whispering her name.

She feels the stirring echoes
of your heart's gentle touch
she could never tell you
she misses you so very much

Now you're her special angel
watching down from above,
guiding her uncertain footsteps
tenderly with all your love.

Knowing your spirit never left her
will bring her comfort from the pain,
when the struggle goes unnamed
your love gives shelter from the rain.

I'm learning how
To unlove you

It hurts worse than loving you,
Knowing you don't love me back.

I have spent it all, every bit
Of energy, of emotion.
I’ve used up every shred of it
On wasted acts, empty motion.
I am overdrawn in my heart,
Just like my empty bank account.
No money left, no drive to start
Anew to build something to count.
No more hunger to feel a touch
From someone who might love or care.
The void inside once held so much.
Now only painful loss waits there.
Life's overdrafts have left nothing.
So much taken, too little left
To keep my broken heart going.

Stuck in your same ol' ways

Smoking your lungs black
Drinking your liver to death

Risking everyone's lives,
Including your own
Just to drive home to me

Sometimes...
I wish you wouldn't come home.

The weight
Of carrying you from the bathroom to our bed
Cleaning the remnants of your sins off the floor
Watching you hold on for your life
The smell alone could intoxicate me

It's too much.

I can't stop you
I can't save you
And I can't unlove you...

Lately,
All I can think about is death
And you.

It's like my brain is hardwired
to love you
Even when I can't love myself.

I used to live
To see the moon on a sunny day
To step on one more crunchy leaf
To feel the sun on my face
To find a lucky penny.

Anything to survive the day.
Just one more day.

Lately,
None of that matters to me.

Now, it's just you.

To hear your laugh,
To look into your eyes,
To feel your hand in mine,
Your lips on mine.

She bobbed there in the gentle swell,
The little boat I knew so well.
The sail wrapped tight along the boom
Gave me a feeling of dark doom.
I saw no anchor chain hung down
To stop her, lest she run aground.
No one sat in her empty bow.
No hand controlled her keel just now.
A gentle breeze set her to rock.
How did she get loose from the dock?
As the breeze caused her to turn,
I spotted paint along her stern.
Rough letters where my name had been -
The words now looked like "Mortal Sin."

Self-depreciated, self-contained
afraid to show true face
Remaining nameless, by design
they're lost in the human race.

Bereft of praise and reassurance,
skating on thin ice, it seems
rememberance of better times
and their unbroken dreams.

Depression pushes down on them
then secrets manifold,
They cannot trust, they do not dare,
the secret story is untold.

Dark and dangerous mental state
do they dare to live?
Desperately flailing, signaling,
" Have I more to give?"

Rain rushes from the skies
Mixing with a single tear
The wind cuts through
Like every doubt, every fear

Lightning shatters my peace
Like the pieces of my mind
A distant thunderclap mocks
Of the girl I was and left behind

A tornado rages in my head
Demolishing my peace and joy
I plaster on a smile for you,
But it's just a tactic I employ

The fear paralyzes my heart
Yet I'm so tired of being afraid
It is time to get up and fight
Before my resolve starts to fade

You kept them after she gave them to you, and
slowly they dried out in the crisp stale air of your room in a trailer
in the deserts of New Mexico,
poor conditions thus yielding poor results and...
flowers don't live forever,
it doesn't seem to matter what you do.

But you kept them, and hung them on your wall
to solidify a spirit of hope maybe,
or to be a memento for something that felt like
it would last forever
if you just gave it fresh water every day.