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Revised Bucket List
When I was young, I made a list
Of things I hoped to do and see
Before I felt death’s cold hard fist.
It was a detailed list, indeed.
But years have passed, and goals change, too,
As age and money interfered.
My modern list, revised and true,
Gives me joy as I persevere.
The first goal now: to give more love
To everyone within my reach.
To lift them up as high above
The mundane as I can, and teach
Them to believe in their own worth.
My next goal is to stretch my heart
To bring more people of the earth
Into the love I would impart.
Third item on my bucket list
Might seem a slightly odd request.
I hope to live so I’ll be missed
When this old body’s laid to rest.
No destinations fill my goals.
No hope to gain great, mighty things.
My prayer: to give more love to souls
And show the world the gifts love brings.
Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2024-06-20 01:52
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Revised Bucket List" exhibits a clear narrative structure and a thoughtful exploration of the themes of aging, change, and the importance of love and connection. The use of a bucket list as a metaphor for life's goals is effective and relatable.
However, there are areas where the poem could be improved. The rhythm and meter are inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow for the reader. For example, the line "A formidable list, indeed" is shorter than the surrounding lines, which can create a jarring effect. It would be beneficial to revise the poem to ensure a more consistent rhythm.
The language used is straightforward and accessible, but it lacks the use of vivid, concrete imagery that could make the poem more engaging and memorable. For example, instead of saying "To lift them up as high above/The mundane as I can, and teach", the poet could use specific images or actions to show what this looks like.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of its themes. It presents a very positive view of aging and change, but it might be more interesting and realistic if it also acknowledged the challenges or mixed feelings that can come with these experiences.
Overall, the poem has a strong foundation and a clear message, but could be improved with more attention to rhythm, imagery, and complexity of theme.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Fri, 2024-06-21 12:39
Hey Mary Beth...
I really felt this one, it brought to mind the passing of a friend two years ago.
In the last couple of months, he started doing projects that he had only talked about.
I asked why now? He said that; "I want to leave my mark on this world, with something that will endure for a while."
When I am gone, someone else will live here, and I want them to see that I cared about this place."
I like the title, your language use is good.
Your theme is bright and cheerful, rather than sober with the realization that you've had to revise the list.
Your rhyme and near rhyme is consistently good, [I didn't have to back up and look closer at the rhyme, even though the words
didn't match exactly.] I like when that happens.
The only place that I see needing any improvement, [in my opinon] is
"But years have passed, goals have changed, too,"
Could be streamlined and still get the idea across.
But years have passed, and goals change too.
~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Mary Beth Magee
Fri, 2024-06-21 16:09
Thank you, Geezer!
I love that I can count on you to help me smooth my rough spots. Thank you for your input. I played with that line back and forth for quite some time and still wasn't happy with it. I was too focused on verb tenses and not enough on impact. I appreciate your guidance.
Thank you,
Mary Beth
Because your words have touched my heart,
I stopped to share a little part.
Be nice, supportive, kind to all
As we walk through this Poetry Hall.
Geezer
Sat, 2024-06-22 22:50
You are welcome...
Yes, verb tenses can be irritating and hard to work out sometimes. Just glad to help. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lavender
Sun, 2024-06-23 14:58
Revised Bucket List
Hello, Mary Beth,
This has a lovely energy and flow. Beautiful language and theme throughout. I especially like the last two lines - a nice feeling and wrap-up of the entire poem.
Thank you!
L
Mary Beth Magee
Thu, 2024-07-04 16:06
Thank you, Lavender
Working on the idea of a bucket list always strikes me as somewhere between very greedy and very morbid. I'm never quite sure which way to take it. So I ran in my own direction, LOL.
Thank you,
Mary Beth
Because your words have touched my heart,
I stopped to share a little part.
Be nice, supportive, kind to all
As we walk through this Poetry Hall.
Mary Beth Magee
Sat, 2024-07-06 22:27
Thank you, Mark
I am thrilled to have the opportunity to be here and get feedback from caring poetry lovers like you. You help me grow!
Thank you,
Mary Beth
Because your words have touched my heart,
I stopped to share a little part.
Be nice, supportive, kind to all
As we walk through this Poetry Hall.