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Sick of Turkey
There once was a man named Perkey,
He spent his life eating just turkey.
he got his sharpened knife,
and slaughtered his careless wife.
Now, he's sick of eating jerky.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Not that I expect to win the contest but thought that the title is perfect for writing a Limerick.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Lavender
Wed, 2022-11-02 09:43
Sick of Turkey
Hi, Rula,
Yes, it's the perfect topic for a limerick, and yours is spot-on! You might want to tighten it up a bit, if I may, for example:
There once was a man named Perkey
Spent his life eating just turkey
along with eliminating a few words and tightening up in the other lines, as well. Also, does "poorish" fit the description of his wife? Seems there is a bit more to her - maybe she's stubborn, or lacking culinary skills, or simply doesn't care?
An enjoyable limerick, and being vegan, I'm sure many turkeys thank you for this one!
L
Rula
Wed, 2022-11-02 10:10
Thank you
dear lavender for the comment and for helping with this one. I'll edit as suggested. Limericks were never easy and a bit challenging on both levels, meter and sense of humor.
Always great to get the help from the masters. Really appreciate it.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Rula
Wed, 2022-11-02 12:54
Any better?
would be happy to know if this gave anyone a chuckle or even a smile
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Lavender
Wed, 2022-11-02 16:13
Reading this again,
yes! Much better! It gave me a big smile first, and then a hearty chuckle. Delightful limerick, perfect for the topic of turkey-lurkeys. (And unhappy husbands...)
Thank you!
L
Rula
Wed, 2022-11-02 16:46
Thank you so much dear
for giving the time to polish this one.
Í'm now quiet satisfied that it gives a beautiful friend like our dear lavender a chuckle.
Thank you.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Lavender
Wed, 2022-11-02 17:16
Good luck
with the challenge! :)
L
RoseBlack
Wed, 2022-11-02 18:52
Love it
This surely brought a smile to my face. What a great take on the challenge topic!
~RoseBlack~