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My Gold

Submitted by Mr joghe on Wed, 2024-05-15 19:38

In whom I spent my old days and nights,
Who rocked me in my cradle;
And fed my pretty mouth with a spoon,
Did weep while I should weep.
How much will I pay
For the pain you’ve taken for me?

Who worked that jumper to keep me warm;
Treated me with diffidence and respect,
Her healthy arms always be my stay,
And always admired my prudent face that filled with laughter.
How much will I pay
For the pains you’ve taken for me?

Who tired me with apology for being tiresome,
And asked twenty questions and never waited for an answer.
My timidity struck her at the first sight;
When she taught me to expect something extraordinary.
How much will I pay
For the pains you’ve taken for me?

I find such a pleasure
In obeying her commands,
That I take care to observe;
Shall soon come to bless me.
How much will I pay
For the pains you’ve taken for me?

I vow, I thought so;
Never, as among queens and princesses
In her age; to be explicit,
I’ve kept very little company
In pretty smooth dialogues with her.
How much will I pay
For the pains you’ve taken for me?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Mother's Day Image Prompt Contest
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2024-05-16 01:40

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "My Gold" explores themes of gratitude and indebtedness towards individuals who have played significant roles in the speaker's life. The repetition of the question "How much will I pay for the pains you've taken for me?" creates a reflective and contemplative tone throughout the poem. The use of imagery such as being rocked in a cradle, being fed with a spoon, and feeling warmth from a jumper adds a sense of nostalgia and intimacy to the relationships described.

One suggestion for improvement would be to vary the structure and rhythm of the poem to enhance its overall impact. While the repetitive questioning serves a purpose in emphasizing the speaker's gratitude, incorporating more diverse literary devices such as metaphor, simile, or sensory details could enrich the imagery and engage the reader on a deeper level. Additionally, considering the use of enjambment or varied line lengths could create a more dynamic flow and add complexity to the poem's structure.

Overall, "My Gold" effectively conveys a sense of appreciation and

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Rula

Thu, 2024-05-16 05:42

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An endearing piece of writing That reflects your gratitude towards your beloved mother.The poem eloquently captures the essence of unconditional love and the profound impact of a caregiver's dedication.
I especially like the repetitive line "how much I will pay you"
Thank you for sharing
Best wishes

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words ........Robert Frost☺

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Mr joghe

Thu, 2024-05-16 16:51

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Rula, thanks for engaging!

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

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