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I Waited All My Years
With the candle lights
I shot him in a couple
In his briefcase
Painted with hallow tears of coat
That went down in a blur mirror to a dungeon
Not only had he gone, but all after war
With his brodie and dodie.
I counted my shoots with my capture sounds
That won my tosh tears
To ribbon my hand with flower
That kisses the earth and worms;
Like a dummy, I waited all my years
If anyone would shoot my briefcase in a couple.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
The briefcase means coffin.
The shoot means to press the camera captured button.
The setting of the poem is the cemetery. I was invited there as cameraman... I was thoughtful.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
Sun, 2022-07-17 20:42
I’m glad for your final words
I was confused. And then I wasn’t. Really unique way of capturing the moment of capturing the moment which was kinda unique.
Tim
Mr joghe
Mon, 2022-07-18 00:38
I like your comment.
I like your comment.
"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."
RoseBlack
Mon, 2022-07-18 04:39
An interesting
Take on your experience. Thank you for your explanation as it now makes perfect sense.
~RoseBlack~
Mr joghe
Wed, 2022-07-20 01:49
Roseblack,
Roseblack,
I like your comment.
"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."
Jackweb
Mon, 2022-07-18 20:08
Time of life !
Reminiscing about your past experience sometimes is good but don't focus on it. Allow all to fizzle out and be who you reallly are.
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Mr joghe
Wed, 2022-07-20 01:50
Jackweb
Jackweb
I'm impressed with your comment.
"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."
Candlewitch
Tue, 2022-07-19 08:19
hello,
I really like the imagery and metaphors, they make the piece of work striking!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Mr joghe
Wed, 2022-07-20 01:51
Candlewitch,
Candlewitch,
I like your comment!
Thanks.
"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."