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China Doll
In an unlighted room
Isolated upon the highest shelf
Cracked features illuminating
Against a starless sky
Porcelain tears glazed her cheeks
Frozen in time, for him alone
Occasionally, he'd take her down
Placing soft whispers on her neck
Love bombs exploded
Against delicate ears
Her hollowed body
Left longing for his touch
Time lingered on
And still she sat, collecting dust
Hanging on the promise
That he would come again
The door creaks open
Her glass eyes shift
Footsteps in the doorway
Could it be....
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
Sun, 2023-01-22 13:31
Cool concept
I think you executed that pretty well. Figuratively it’s really deep. It can also be taken in a literal sense in which case it’s kind of frightening to think about the doll stalking him. I assume he is a turd face. Lol
Tim
RoseBlack
Sun, 2023-01-22 13:51
Hi Tim
I am so glad that you were able see this is all angles. Living/Broken dolls are literally the creepiest thing and make for excellent focal points in writing. My daughters were living/broken dolls a couple years ago for Halloween and really pulled it off. LOL- yes a turd face most times.
~RoseBlack~
Lavender
Sun, 2023-01-22 13:54
China Doll
Hello, Carrie,
"Unlighted room" - right away I knew this was going to be mysterious and magical. I believe I understand the deeper meaning here, and it's very moving. This piece is one of my favorites from you.
Thank you!
L
RoseBlack
Sun, 2023-01-22 13:56
Thank you, L
I am experimenting with different words to set the mood/tone. I am glad you enjoyed! I tend to use broken doll/living doll references in a lot of my writing.
~RoseBlack~
Geezer
Sun, 2023-01-22 14:08
Wow...
thatta girl! Nice job in maintaining the suspense. The particular lines that grabbed me are:
"Porcelain tears glazed her cheeks
Frozen in time, just for him alone
Occasionally, he'd take her down
Placing soft whispers on her neck"
These lines put me in a remembrance mode; I used to take ceramics classes, and I am intrigued as to if you could make tears from transparent glaze.
That would be an awesome thing, and very realistic.
A very well-developed piece that leaves plenty of room for conjecture and a way to have the reader draw their own conclusions. ~ Geez.
.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
RoseBlack
Sun, 2023-01-22 14:51
Thank you
For the high praise. I'm trying to have things make more sense but once in a while...the erratic side spills out.
~RoseBlack~
Rosewood Apothecary
Sun, 2023-01-22 16:38
Oh that choice was perfect
There isn’t a better word than Glazed for the half dried tears on a porcelain doll. There are at least three layers of connection there. This was really on point, I agree fully.
RoseBlack
Sun, 2023-01-22 18:09
Thank you
I am glad you were able to see the connection.
~RoseBlack~
Candlewitch
Sun, 2023-01-22 15:02
dear Carrie,
as I started reading this poem, Janice Joplin's "Piece Of My Heart" began to play. what a back ground it makes for your poem! I became a chalice, words like wine and over-flowing... I can really relate to your words and her tears suspended in time... excellent!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
RoseBlack
Sun, 2023-01-22 15:09
Thank you Cat
What a great song! One Good Man pops into my head quite often. Thank you for the high praise.
~RoseBlack~
RoseBlack
Sun, 2023-01-22 23:23
Thank you
I am so glad you liked this!!
~RoseBlack~
Seren
Mon, 2023-01-23 22:52
Dear RoseBlack
I had a double-take when I saw this in the stream. I also have a poem called Chinadoll. I see a woman used by a man for his pleasure. Only calling on her when his needs come to the forefront. Your a fine poet. I really enjoyed this poem.
I cannot see anything I'd change but I always revisit when I see updates.
Well done!!
Kind regards Jayne-Chloe
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
RoseBlack
Mon, 2023-01-23 23:49
Hi Jayne
Thank you!!! That is definitely the main idea behind the poem, so glad you enjoyed.
~RoseBlack~