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Bootstrap Escape (finally home)

Submitted by Candlewitch on Fri, 2024-09-20 09:14

no longer my home
the family I once knew
seat of betrayal
this place where I grew

shame and denial
covered up deeds
of lust and hatred
that killed tender seeds

fear of exposure
created cover-up lies
shattered the spirit
until innocence dies

I left them behind
no memories to save
regrets aplenty
for all that I gave

as much as an orphan
sets off on her own
spurred by abuses
unable to condone

a better life found
a new family of friends
and a loving husband
welcomed home my story ends

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Candlewitch notepad
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
09/24 Homecoming
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Fri, 2024-09-20 15:20

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Bootstrap Escape" presents a narrative of pain, betrayal, and eventual escape and healing. It uses a simple, straightforward language to convey deep and complex emotions, which can make it accessible to a wide range of readers.

One area that could be improved is the poem's rhythm and meter. The lines vary in length and syllable count, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. A more consistent rhythm could enhance the reading experience and make the poem more memorable.

The poem could also benefit from more use of figurative language. While the straightforward language effectively conveys the speaker's experiences and emotions, adding more metaphors, similes, or other figurative language could add depth and richness to the poem.

The poem's ending provides closure to the narrative, but it feels somewhat abrupt. The speaker's journey from pain and betrayal to finding a new family and a loving husband is a significant transformation that could be explored in more depth. Expanding on this part of the poem could provide a more satisfying conclusion to the narrative.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more show, less tell. Instead of stating emotions and experiences directly, the poem could use imagery and sensory details to show these elements. This could make the poem more engaging and impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Unca Fez

Fri, 2024-09-20 16:43

Unca Fez's picture

This poem has a finality to it. It feels like walking out a door and never looking back and the losers are the ones being left behind. Having witnessed over 42 years the process of getting to this point, I appreciate the monumental effort it took to achieve this point of view. My hat is off to you.

BTW: Thbpbpbpthpt! to AI once again.

Thanx,
Steve

LilacsandLace

Fri, 2024-09-20 17:58

"no longer my home
the family I once knew
seat of betrayal
this place where I grew"

Oh, my childhood too. It truly is something else when your own family, your foundation, betrays you and you must raise yourself, teach yourself healing and emotional regulation. A treacherous, long road that I am so glad had a happy ending! We can break cycles. We can move on. This poem is a beautiful testament to that power we have.

RoseBlack

Fri, 2024-09-20 18:11

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And all the ways you tell it! I know I am better for knowing you and am grateful for our friendship. Well done

~RoseBlack~

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