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Words
You got your pocket full of ten-dollar words,
all precise and proper,
way too educated for a man like me ...
except;
I can see the want-to in your look,
the squirm in your seat,
where the shiver-me-here
is apparent ...
and me;
unable to contain myself,
the whisper of words is all that's left ...
I want you
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Pamela A. Lamppa
Sun, 2011-04-17 09:38
Subtly sensual
This is subtly sensual and just a delight to read.
Your ending line is simply stated and all that is needed.
The only change I would make is:
"way to educated for a man like me ..."
to should be "too"
Other than that, I would leave this alone. You have used brevity in verse quite well and everything you needed to say was said. Just lovely. ~Pamela
.. .
~"It's ALL about the Poetry~
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themoonman
Mon, 2011-04-18 09:15
Hi Pam ...
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it, ain't it just like me to
make a spelling error ... thanks!
Richard
themoonman
Mon, 2011-04-18 09:16
Hi Eph ...
appreciate the tip-o-the-hat ... right back at ya!
Richard
Eduardo Cruz
Sun, 2011-04-17 14:51
Richard
I bow to you and the magic you use to weave your poems. Talk about the value of words, these are worth their weight in gold.
Eddie C
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
themoonman
Mon, 2011-04-18 09:18
Eddie ...
Thank you sir, a bow back to ya ...
themoonman
Mon, 2011-04-18 09:22
Hiya Chrys ....
Thank you so much for your honesty, it's a very good
quality. I had left this title simple, but now I may have to
come up with something else ... thanks!
My sister doesn't have a computer yet, she is working
on it though.
Richard
scribbler
Mon, 2011-04-18 09:15
hi Richard
They Do say most men marry up lol. Have to agree about title needing work though.............stan
themoonman
Mon, 2011-04-18 09:23
lol
thanks Stan ... agree about the title, got any suggestions?
scribbler
Mon, 2011-04-18 09:57
hello
UNSPOKEN WORDS ?
Geezer
Mon, 2011-04-18 11:16
How about...
Enough Said? I really enjoyed this one, Richard. As the others have said: Brevity, is good! Just what I wish, that I might have said. ~ Gee
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