Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Your Move!
That high-dollar chess set
doesn't help your game,
the look-how-smart-I-am-comments,
to me, seem lame
but you can't see it,
to you, it's success,
that shit won't help
on a feel-my-words-test
so get it out, release it,
let it fester on the page,
let us see something more
than your juvenile rage
dig past that pocket degree
show us the dirty lint
take us on a journey
make us glad we went
Show me
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Robert Melliard
Mon, 2014-06-30 17:35
I find this clearer
than some of your other work. But I'm not sure who the poem is directed at (when you write "you" or "your"). It sounds like good advice to a young poet.
Best wishes,
Robert.
themoonman
Wed, 2014-07-02 09:39
Hi Robert,
Not directed at anyone in particular, just one of
those times the need to write took over.
thanks,
Richard
eightmenout
Tue, 2014-07-01 22:24
Richard
Loved where this one was going, but I can't say I like the abrupt ending. Understand it. Just don't like it.
Thanks,
Scott
Scott
themoonman
Wed, 2014-07-02 09:42
Hi Scott,
Glad you dropped in, it is on the arrogant side isn't it
(if that's what you meant)? If not, tell me.
good to see you,
Richard
eightmenout
Wed, 2014-07-02 14:39
I enjoyed the arrogance. But
I enjoyed the arrogance. But I also was enjoying the flow until the brakes were slammed on. I wanted the flow to continue. As I said, I understand the benefit of the closing, just didn't think it for with this piece.
Thanks
Scott
Scott
paleoray
Sat, 2014-07-05 23:29
Rest not! Life is sweeping by
Rest not! Life is sweeping by; go and dare before you die.
Something mighty and sublime, leave behind to conquer time.
weirdelf
Fri, 2014-08-22 07:58
Forgive my paranoia
I feel that this poem was written with me at least part in mind. Especially with the line "dig past that pocket degree".
If so, spot on. I need to write more.
If not, still a valid poem with excellent prosodic values.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
themoonman
Sat, 2014-08-23 04:34
Jess,
No, you were not on my mind when writing this,
probably would never have posted if I thought you
would think that.
I started this poem years ago, just finally cleaned it
up enough to post.
alidzain
Fri, 2016-11-18 15:37
Hi Richard
I love this. It's like a challenge. Good one.
Alid
Candlewitch
Sat, 2016-11-19 13:14
hello Richard,
I agreed with every line...especially the last!!! I'm a "Show Me" kinda gal !!!
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Esker
Sun, 2016-11-20 19:23
operational "in country"
techs to geckos
pocket degrees
all about the angles
some know them
others just had to use
them..honing it through
the years
Intertia Velocity of times
trauma and boredom
we balance worth on substance
"I grew a trophy Rose from the makers school"
"ah....but I grew a field of sunflowers"
who is the larger and lesser
its perspective?
crowns of thorns
and Laurels of Ivy
Excellent work!
always admire the
grit of passion
in your straight up
writes Moonman!
thank U!
Mr Wolf!
gregwa8
Mon, 2018-05-07 02:37
I like the "call you out"
I like the "call you out" directness of this poem. I DO feel-your-words-test. I think sometimes in art and in life, arrogance is the best counter to arrogance. (Reading in other comments about how they thought it was arrogant.) "Dirty lint." Nice. The desire to see something real and raw. I enjoyed reading this poem.
weirdelf
Mon, 2018-05-07 02:58
One of my heroes,
Australian Prime Minister Gough Whitlam when accused of being arrogant replied "Of course I am, I've earned the right to be". Loved that!
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry