Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Late Write Blues
In the middle of the night, awake, I watch,
but not the world.
It's as if I'm waiting for some poignant phrase
to align me with the stars ...
have you anything for me
if I run up the middle will I find what I need
it's always on the tip of my tongue
could be right
but more often wrong
Exhausting,
waiting
for words to bring me life.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
William Saint George
Mon, 2012-06-18 15:12
Hey there!
First, I liked the way you began the poem. I only wished you has continued through. I know the feeling, when the words feel like they are about to be born, yet they do not make it out of us.
This is a nice poem, and has this deep, personal feel to it, especially because they are a frequent occurrence.
No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot
http://www.wsgeorge.com/
themoonman
Wed, 2012-06-20 05:14
Hi William,
Thanks for your read of this, I believe what you are saying by
you wished I'd followed through is that the momentum or rhythm
changed, perhaps not for the better ... I've never really been quite
happy with this little write, always liked the first two lines and have
changed it from there a few times. It is a universal theme for writers,
whether they write in the middle of the night or whenever, there are going
to be times when those words just won't come out.
scribbler
Mon, 2012-06-18 16:18
Hi Richard
Well described feeling on awaiting the right words. Only two things I'd have done differently
1..I'd have put commas before and after awake in line 1 to emphasize the lack of sleep
2..in line 5 I'd change anything to nothing
But just because I'd have done these things differently does not mean this is not fine as is.............stan
themoonman
Wed, 2012-06-20 05:18
Hi Stan,
Ya know, I purposely left the comma's out of this one,
had em right where you suggest and decided the words
themselves direct the pausing, nothing wrong with being
wrong (lol). In line 5 I like anything better, just sounds better
to me, will add those commas Stan, appreciate your taking a
look Sir.
Richard
Kailashana2
Tue, 2012-07-31 12:29
As someone (the last person I
As someone (the last person I would have thought) said to me: "Have faith."
Your poem is perfect as it is, someday, however, you may want to flesh it out. Much as I love Scribbler,
there's more to a poem than commas and a word change or two. (Glad he knows it!) Besides nothing
is much better than something sometimes, because it allows you to fill in your own blanks, eh?
Much love,
Anna