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Splatter of Holes
Open minds are hungry woodpeckers
knocking for sustenance;
I try to dull mine in Grey Goose and lime
only teasing the insatiable thirst,
staid in no reference to time
except the knocking aging minutes.
Age has no concern with gender or creed,
I suppose it's lucky to reach the time of
less than able.
Luck painfully tearing at tendons and joints,
tingling limbs and head rush sensations;
fucking blood,
finds holes it wants to now.
Holes meant for the meeting of meat and mind,
I spray mine in Grey Goose and lime
sing the bird a lullaby
and dream the droning drum
knocking
knocking
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Kailashana2
Thu, 2011-05-19 07:20
Hi Richard,
Hi Richard,
Isn't it *Grey Goose*?
I'll be back after I've let this one ferment for a while.
~A
Kailashana2
Thu, 2011-05-19 16:52
Ok. Wanted to change the
Ok. Wanted to change the first *knocking through for sustenance* into boring through the substance until I saw how it was repeated. So many plays on words. So much food for thought and commiseration. ;-)
Outstanding dude, you have come into your stride!
Now change it to GREY GOOSE. (my favs are the flavoured ones)
~A
themoonman
Fri, 2011-05-20 05:43
Anna ...
Indeed the spelling was wrong, I checked the bottle to make
sure they used the corrected spelling, and they do. I'm not much
of a drinker, but once in a while I do like a good mixed drink or some
wine with dinner ... a good ol mudslide is my fav but they are very
potent.
thanks Anna, this was one I've been working on for a while, wasn't
sure how it would be viewed, but then I never am, even when I really
like a write, and this one, I'm not particularly fond of for some reason.
Richard
Kailashana2
Fri, 2011-05-20 07:04
How could you not like it?
How could you not like it? This poem is replete with all the stuff of a good poem, alliteration, imagery, story, cadence, personal integrity.
Could it mean you hate that knocking...rap tap a tapping?
lol.
~A
themoonman
Sun, 2011-05-22 08:54
Lol ...
knock knock ... I think I've spent too much time on this one,
grown monotonous to me maybe, which is why I posted it, to
see if there may be some good suggestions for improvements.
thanks Anna, I did try to enlist some poetic values !
Richard
themoonman
Sun, 2011-05-22 08:56
Ian ...
There is no cure I know of ... the grey goose is a vodka, back in the
day it lent itself to many a night for me, trouble is, I don't remember (lol)
thanks Ian
themoonman
Sun, 2011-05-22 08:58
Lonnie ...
We are oldies ... but we're not done just yet!
thanks
Richard
scribbler
Sun, 2011-05-22 14:36
hi Richard
can't find anything to knock about this knock out poem lol..........stan
Lenny of Cohen
Thu, 2011-05-26 05:48
an oldie
from the UK
he say
Bravo!!!
Namaste,
Lenny
_________________________________________
"Death" is nonsense: what is there to die?
"Life"? How could " life" "die"? That is a contradiction
in terms. Can "light" become "darkness"?
"Light" can only cease to be apparent
Wei Wu Wei