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Time to die
the clouds form and disappear
the sun rises but definitely sets
as the night darkens the moon glitters
yet the dawn awakens with it's light
and rainbow never stop the rainy season
for nature has it's own laws
the rain wets the land
and dryness harshen it by season
lives and greenery fill the earth
as trees and flowers and grasses
bud but loses their prime at autumn
all has time and period that's aside
for we all have lives
but death awaiting beneath
embrace the reality for nothing is forever
low swing low, home oh sweet home
fare well the dying day
sleep, rest at peace and journey beyond.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
The poem is for the dead, we all have period and time in our live, the time to born and time to die.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Simon
Tue, 2023-01-24 10:08
Hello Alex
Thanks for pointing out the mistake it was a rush drafting
lovedly
Tue, 2023-01-24 10:34
why be so negative there is a time to live
when one has to die
no one knows
except perhaps mind's eye
buds lose
bud loses
but you still represent
budding roses
see me
will ye
Simon enjoy my glee
@83
Simon
Wed, 2023-01-25 05:44
Hi lovely
It's a good point there and thank you for pointing it out, but this is a death poem that's why I draft it in this way.
lovedly
Wed, 2023-01-25 08:52
AS you wish...
it is you
u needn't listen to me
for that matter anybody
but still try to live in a glamorous world
death one can never hide
'tis absurd to say I won't die
we al are in Q
death will view
Candlewitch
Tue, 2023-01-24 10:43
dear Simon,
awaken(s)
rainbow stops the season of rain
(not )for nature has it's own laws
two small changes that improve the flow. a very good poem Simon, I like it very much!
* hugs, Cat
*ever, eddy I love the darker poetry. death is the flip side of life. keep writing.
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Simon
Wed, 2023-01-25 05:34
That's okay
I love it when someone picked out my mistakes so I can work on them, thanks candlewitch
lovedly
Wed, 2023-01-25 08:58
one more point to share
jess said
try and avoid 'the'
as much as you can
every word in poetry counts
Pardon me for this inclusion...
We all are in a learning curve...
what else is Neo meant for
Simon
Thu, 2023-01-26 10:17
That's okay
We all are learners but time is a teacher
Thanks for that too