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Inflation

Submitted by Simon on Thu, 2024-08-01 07:58

I'm on the run from my shadow,
for it weigh too heavy
that I can't carry it anymore.
I'm hiding from my shadow,
cause it too way scary.
I'm dodge of my thoughts,
for it's becomes a threat.

can't even swallow my pride,
because it's like a poison.
I just can't feel myself.
I don't shed tears anymore,
for it a kind of bleeding to death.
I'm way too afraid of myself,
for I'm my enemy now.

shame has become my identity,
so I don't go outside no more.
loosing is forbidden,
for it's suicider.
loneliness has taken over me,
it's has been my guidance.
as liquor is my joy,
we got along as toxic kills my pain.
for this inflation worth depressing.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
The weight of hunger in Nigeria is way too far from hardship, I call economic genocide and the government never cares as long as their children loves abroad and enjoy our wealth that's what matters, that's why I wrote this poem to express myself again.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2024-08-01 14:00

neopoet's picture
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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Your poem "Inflation" effectively conveys a sense of internal struggle and self-destructive tendencies. The imagery of running from your shadow, hiding from your thoughts, and being afraid of yourself creates a strong emotional impact. The repetition of phrases like "I'm on the run," "I'm hiding," and "I'm way too afraid" emphasizes the feeling of being overwhelmed by negative emotions and experiences.

One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying your imagery and metaphors to add depth and complexity to your poem. Exploring different ways to express your emotions can make your poem more engaging and thought-provoking for the reader. Additionally, paying attention to the flow and structure of your poem can help create a more cohesive and impactful piece.

Overall, your poem effectively captures feelings of fear, shame, and loneliness, but further development of imagery and structure could enhance its emotional resonance and depth.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Simon

Thu, 2024-08-01 07:59

Simon's picture

That's cool

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