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One of Those Days
Thick air
Heavy heart
My mind isn't sure
Where to start
I opened up
And let you in
To take up real estate
Inside my head
Feelings I had buried
Cauterized by hate
Reconnected for the moment
And then dropped on my face
Will I ever learn
What I really am
And that love
Is one big scam
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
Wed, 2022-12-07 17:54
Aww
I pray you find love if that’s what you’re looking for. You’re certainly a great writer. I’m sorry you have past experiences that leave you like this. I do think we all have those days. If you’re ever doubting your worth let me remind you, you are worthy of love and affection and I know we all love you like family here.
I can’t find any corrections. I guess it would be my tendency to make it “tight” but I like your style and I’ve become very comfortable with the extra or missing syllables.
Always impressed
Tim
RoseBlack
Wed, 2022-12-07 18:02
Thanks Tim
I guess I am feeling 'alone' more today than other days. I tend to set myself up for failure in the 'love' department. I appreciate your kind words and certainly consider all of you family here. I am so bad about extra or missing syllables. I could never get my head around perfect rhyme and meter and am in awe of those who do. Thank you again for the read and positive comments.
~RoseBlack~
Candlewitch
Thu, 2022-12-08 06:19
dear carrie,
this poem of yours is reminiscent of how I used to feel...oh yeah it is so real. I always wish you all the best. my favorite lines are:
I opened up
And let you in
To take up real estate
Inside my head
*hugs, Cat & eddy
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
RoseBlack
Thu, 2022-12-08 06:52
Thank you Cat
I am certainly feeling alone these days amidst some health issues and other things.
~RoseBlack~
Rula
Thu, 2022-12-08 14:38
Well expressed
Writing relieves hopefully. You deserve the best.
Well, we can't get everything we like, but you've at least get your clever words, a pen , and a way to let your reader engaged in.
Be well dear Carrie.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
RoseBlack
Thu, 2022-12-08 19:41
Thanks Rula
I do find writing to be a great release. The days loneliness gets to me and depression seems neverending. I am always grateful for my neofamily.
~RoseBlack~
Lavender
Thu, 2022-12-08 18:29
One of Those Days
Hello, RoseBlack,
Revealing poetry, well written. I can't imagine anyone so open to love will be denied. The last stanza seems so significant to me...I believe when we learn who we really are, that is when the love we seek and find is no longer a scam.
L
RoseBlack
Thu, 2022-12-08 19:42
Hi L
Identity...my life long struggle...I seem to be so many things but so unlucky in others
~RoseBlack~
Lavender
Thu, 2022-12-08 20:10
All the best...
to you, dear friend.
L