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Your stain
I saw you again
In my peripheral,
Your shadow reminded me-
I’m such a fool.
I heard you again,
In the walls,
Your whisper reminded me-
You took it all.
I smelt you again
In my sheets,
Your absence reminded me-
I won’t sleep.
I can taste you again,
On my skin,
Your comfort reminded me-
Lovers patience thins.
I felt you again
In my gut,
Your punches reminded me-
It’ll never be enough.
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2024-07-23 04:20
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
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Ruby Lord
Tue, 2024-07-23 08:30
This was really good. I loved
This was really good. I loved the way you used all the senses to write a strong and meaningful poem and about the physical separation of a lover. Ruby :) xx
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
Candlewitch
Tue, 2024-07-23 09:05
hello professor jinx,
I agree with Ruby's thoughts on your poem. but it was not just that you used the five senses, it is the way you did so! The poem flowed well from beginning to ending... these are my favorite lines:
I heard you again,
In the walls,
Your whisper reminded me-
You took it all.
I smelt you again
In my sheets,
Your absence reminded me-
I won’t sleep.
excellent poem of loss, and yes, regret...
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Candlewitch
Tue, 2024-07-23 09:27
p.s.
Welcome to Neopoet! It is very nice to meet you.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Lavender
Tue, 2024-07-23 12:59
Your Stain
Hello, Professor,
It's been some time since my heart was ripped and broken, but reading this poem brought it all back. So good it actually makes me a bit uncomfortable. Your title is perfect and adds to the infliction.
Thank you,
Lavender
professor jinx
Tue, 2024-07-23 21:39
Thank you
As much as i send you my sympathy as heart break is horrid, i'm glad that i could make someone feel something.
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