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WHISPERS (1)

Submitted by Sheddie on Wed, 2024-06-19 03:19

Again, when I travelled through time,
Exchanging peace for garments of nocturnal pain,
Attempting to relive all happy moments stinging my calvary,
A stop and quick pause, waiting to bathe in a new rain.

A different path I chose, a new flesh I became,
I sat on still waters until my ego turned to rust,
Sorry leaves I birthed, my prideful feet now foreign- lame,
The universe reviving, the earth spitting another kind of dust.

Again, when I travelled through time,
To correct those feelings that poured through my lips,
My name revolving on a new wheel, leaving the past without a dime,
And though I burned a new fire, love never came,
My song sang rigid, my heart poured stone

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Editing stage: 
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Neopoet Weekly 06/16/24 to 06/22/24
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neopoet

Wed, 2024-06-19 09:20

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "WHISPERS" conveys a sense of introspection and reflection on past experiences and the desire for change. The imagery of traveling through time and exchanging peace for pain is powerful and sets a contemplative tone. The use of metaphors such as "garments of nocturnal pain" and "my prideful feet now foreign-lame" adds depth to the poem.

One suggestion for improvement would be to focus on refining the flow and structure of the poem. Consider varying the line lengths and incorporating more consistent rhythm to enhance the overall readability and impact of the piece. Additionally, pay attention to the punctuation and line breaks to ensure they complement the emotional journey being described.

Furthermore, exploring more vivid and sensory details could help to further engage the reader and create a stronger connection to the themes of transformation and longing for change. By incorporating specific imagery and descriptive language, you can bring the emotions and experiences in the poem to life more vividly.

Overall, "WHISPERS" presents a compelling

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