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TRIP OF LIBERTY
Salmon pink chewed gum stuck to pvc floors
stuck to timeworn seats and graphite sprayed,
sprayed by an undeveloped child. But unlike
that pallid gum he was free. And just like that
spritz it will be washed away a new memory
a freedom moving forward and not backwards.
The water vapour and finger print hazey windows
and an odour of diesel a hiss of a deadly rattle snake
and a screech caused by slipping wheels is a sound of
travel and wonder
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2024-01-12 06:50
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
It is not feasible to offer feedback.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
kowque
Fri, 2024-01-12 03:49
That first line
Was so vivid,
It had me giggling.
You have such a talent with descriptions
Koki
Jokerface82
Fri, 2024-01-12 06:36
Cheers man
It Meens alot !
MermaidMaster
Fri, 2024-01-12 12:05
i love your imagery this is
i love your imagery this is wonderful
<3
Jokerface82
Fri, 2024-01-12 12:44
Thanks very much
I appreciate your comment