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Sufficiently Breathless
~
Not one thing
can better describe
the essence of a soul's own vibe,
than what prompts a heart to quicken
like a bird's;
~
we've both shared
footprints shadow made
but, sunlit footprints never fade;
love leaves us breathless,
with narry a need for words.
~
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage:
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Comments
weirdelf
Sat, 2012-12-15 07:45
nice sentiments
coudl be better formatted
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
docmaverick
Sat, 2013-01-12 18:44
Well elf, sir....
...is this better suited for your formatting tastes?
This way i'ts a little more, elongated; ya know?
thanx,
doc.
Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==
weirdelf
Sun, 2013-01-13 01:23
I sometimes look at my own critiques and sigh
and shake my head. I wasn't very helpful, was I? However this is a good revision in terms of edits and formatting, good job.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry