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Struggle of Mind
Mind anticipates.....
Mind tumbles from crest
Drops from rim of bottle
Mind of tears drops
Mind bows for its freedom
The way of fling chaos
Mind struggles.....
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Contest:
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Comments
wesley snow
Sat, 2015-10-31 20:15
Welcome to NeoPoet.
I hope you stay around and take advantage of all the site has to offer: workshops on poetry, contests and more.
I liked your poem, but I confess to not caring for verso libre very much, so you had a tough audience to begin with. However this held my attention and I liked the subject matter.
Again, welcome. I hope you will take the time to respond below.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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judyanne
Sun, 2015-11-01 02:14
hello and welcome
A good poem to start here
Can i suggest a couple of things?
I would delete a few of the word 'mind'
More like
Mind anticipates.....
tumbles from crest
drops from rim of bottle
drops tears
bows for its freedom
The way of fling chaos
Mind struggles.....
I also don't quite know what you mean by thaat second last line.?
Again, welcome... looking forward to reading some more of your work
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2015-11-03 00:54
Welcome to Neopoet
A nice start. Judyanne critique made it flow for you. So I won't add any suggestions more than that. Looking for to seeing you in the workshops. Your sure to be pleased
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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