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Quiet Walk
You walked with me
Early to the hilltop tree
Along the gated way,
Just like we did in early days.
Your love was soft and tender
These are things that I remember.
And we went along to start
I felt your soft hand dart
Not thinking of us as apart.
I walked up there today
As we did in that former day.
I sat in the same swing
When your life I began to sing
By myself but then:
And found all things new again.
Only that sudden sense remained
of a quiet walk
And the memory of a time unnamed.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2024-09-10 17:23
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Quiet Walk" effectively uses imagery and rhythm to evoke a sense of nostalgia and longing. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved for clarity and consistency.
1. Consistency in Meter: The poem seems to fluctuate between different metrical patterns. For example, the first stanza appears to follow a loose tetrameter, while the second stanza seems to be trimeter. Consistency in meter can help to create a more rhythmic and harmonious reading experience.
2. Clearer Imagery: While the poem does a good job of evoking feelings of nostalgia, some of the images could be made clearer. For example, the line "I felt your soft hand dart" is somewhat ambiguous. Does the hand dart away, or towards something? More specific imagery could help to clarify the intended meaning.
3. Use of Punctuation: The poem lacks consistent punctuation, which can make it difficult for the reader to understand the intended pauses and breaks in the poem. Adding punctuation can help to guide the reader through the poem and enhance the overall flow.
4. Title Relevance: The title "Quiet Walk" does set the tone for the poem, but it could be more engaging or intriguing to draw the reader in. Consider a title that hints at the deeper themes or emotions in the poem.
5. Line Breaks: The use of line breaks in the poem seems somewhat arbitrary. Line breaks can be used to emphasize certain words or ideas, create suspense, or control the pace of the poem. Consider revising the line breaks to enhance these effects.
Overall, the poem does a good job of conveying a sense of nostalgia and longing, but could benefit from more consistent meter, clearer imagery, punctuation, a more engaging title, and more strategic use of line breaks.
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