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Power ever present
The birds roam the air
the lions in the jungle their majesty spreads
the whales on seas' thoroughfares ply, yet
in one transparent accord march them along the sky axis.
Around the four cardinal poles in jostling bliss they amble
in solemn fortitude far beyond their straying wings and eyes
in and out of the giant wintery doors of equinoctial winds
they glide and flap in search of the great unknowable.
The principality of great adore
on whose hands cling life dearest fountain
From whence comes the air whooshing down through northern pole
and sun rising from the east with harmonious rays.
They comb the sacred linings of cloud's everglade, like three musketeers
scowl the tucked away tents of the mountains' shoulders
and in fervent devotion search the virgin boundaries of the seas
for a glint of a glance at the face of the power so ever present.
In illuminating ecstasy, deep in celestial plane
they saunter, dialoguing, whispering, although in worlds apart
but in one giant awe light up their faces, of power ever glorious
invisible, yet the air, the sea, the land wrapped up in its drapery.
Comments
Eumolpus
Sat, 2019-10-26 11:02
Hi Chima
I think the sound and stance of the poem is really nice. Wonderful images and powerful. Some of the language is a bit archaic, but it works for me in a timeless sort of way.
A few suggestions- I would drop the first stanza, and begin with the second. I would stick with the whales, and perhaps use a reference to them in the title. This is a great opener:
Around the four cardinal poles in jostling bliss they amble
in solemn fortitude far beyond their straying wings and eyes..
The only real distraction for me is the 3 musketeers. The reference is too comic book, i can't see the whales in that comparison. It feels forced.
But what a nice use of words and emotion! I think the last stanza is just great..
...
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
chima ononogbu
Sat, 2019-11-09 11:34
Thanks
Thank you very much.
Bathe yourself with poetry and let the world go to pieces.
samary
Sat, 2019-11-02 18:45
Hi,
Hi,
This is about God?
Are you using the lion, birds and whales as representations of all life?
I love your title, you have some great imagery. Love tucked away tents. Your diction is a little old fashioned and heavy and could maybe lightened in tone. I think you have a few excess words you could prune. But an interesting piece.
chima ononogbu
Sat, 2019-11-09 11:36
Thanks
Samary thank you for your generous observation.
Bathe yourself with poetry and let the world go to pieces.