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A Poem, Rising
It begins with a gasp,
like the first time you see
a jeweled Indigo Bunting bathing
in the sun.
Brilliance.
It sings amid Parnassian hues,
fluttering about the garden,
absorbing the moments, the seconds
passing in time -
a fallen tear,
a dusty vase,
the shallow light in an empty room.
And there it scatters itself
like warm, welcoming effervescence,
its words falling onto waiting pages,
its poetic gems shining deeper,
then rising like wings into the bluest sky.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Workshop:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
United States
Favorite Poets
I tend to read Ted Kooser, Jim Harrison, Billy Collins, Paul Simon, Robert Frost. I like minimalist poetry, and poems reflecting on nature and Mother Earth.
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Comments
Candlewitch
Wed, 2024-08-07 15:24
Dear Lavender,
Only you could have described it...
It sings amid Parnassian hues,
fluttering about the garden,
absorbing the moments, the seconds
passing in time -
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Lavender
Wed, 2024-08-07 15:46
Hello, Cat,
Thank you for reading this! Some poetry simply rises all on its own.
I appreciate you!
L
author commentGeezer
Thu, 2024-08-08 00:40
I think...
The arrangment of the 3-4 lines should be...
It begins with a gasp,
like the first time you see
a jeweled Indigo Bunting
bathing in the sun.
Brilliant.
How about:
its poetic gems shining brighter.
I find it difficult to see a gem shining deeper.
Clearly, you have experienced your share of joy and grief.
I saw the empty, dusty vase, half hidden in the shallow light.
But the poem rises...
Very nice, ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lavender
Thu, 2024-08-08 08:35
Hello, Geezer!
You have given me some good food for thought which I will consider! Brilliance is actually supposed to be a noun, another name for the occurrence happening. But I'll think over that suggestion. Also, deeper was intentional, too. I was hoping not so much a visual image, but more of an emotional reaction - a sense of joy, maybe? But I'll put some thought into that line, too!
Thank you for your help with this. I appreciate it!
L
author commentRula
Thu, 2024-08-08 17:33
Dear Lavender
You know what I want to say about this one for sure
I wish I have written this one. It has Lavender's print's to it and you must know I have really enjoyed reading it.
Exquisite writing.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Lavender
Fri, 2024-08-09 23:04
Hello, Rula!
These feelings are special to me, as I know they are to you and all the poets here.
Thank you so much for reading!
L
author commentRula
Thu, 2024-08-08 17:34
Dear Lavender
.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
Leslie
Fri, 2024-08-09 07:31
L
Beautifully written, I love your enjoyment of birds. I only wish I had something to share that was so positive.
Today never knows what tommorow will bring!
Lavender
Fri, 2024-08-09 23:09
Hello, Leslie,
Poetry is such a lovely way to relax in something positive, for me. Birds, too! It's hard not to be inspired by a florescent, majestic Indigo Bunting! :)
Thank you!
L
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