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Pastoral poem
A cool summer rain is a blessing,
a panacea.
A wild winter wind is a cursing,
a cursing of God.
A warm autumn gale is relieving
from mad summer heat.
Spring has a special breeze sent from that God-
a cool summer rain.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
This is drivel and we all know it. Pastoral and I don't get along.
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Sat, 2015-02-28 22:54
Hi wes
The last two lines could use a bit of work. As they are you state that a breeze is a cool summer rain. Would it be more correct to say a breeze as in a cool summer rain or a breeze within a cool summer rain or some such?
judyanne
Sun, 2015-03-01 05:58
i really like this wes
But I would make the first two verses the last two
Love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Rula
Sun, 2015-03-01 07:38
Sir Wesley's best brevity
so you can be brief and to the point when you like to.
I loved this one. succinct and sweet.
I especially loved panancea... long since last time I heard it.
Thanks for sharing.
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