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A No-Tell Motel
The strangest thing had happened when
I drove home last night from work,
I'd stopped for drinks, at a place called "Pink's";
the barkeep was kind of a jerk.
I was having a slightly "off" night
but possessed enough of my charms,
heart on my sleeve, but when I did leave;
I had a woman on both of my arms.
When I woke up in the morning
and the room just reeked of sex;
I now realize, and saw with both my eyes
I had remarried my obese "ex"!
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
AmmaKonadu
Tue, 2012-06-05 09:28
I like
the read. But one suggestion though, i think the last but one line will read better like this;
"I then realized and saw with both my eyes" just a suggestion though.
All the same, it made me laugh, thanks!
docmaverick
Tue, 2012-06-05 12:45
Thanx, A.K....
...I appreciate your feedback. The reason it can't be changed is, there's an internal rhyme in that particular line.
thanx, again;
doc.
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