Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
No Juice or Jam (Running on Empty Challenge)
I am hungry but my
Meal hides in the moment.
Fear siphons power to play
War games without consent.
I am bunkered in the crippling confines
of a broken nervous system.
Why can't I lift Thor's hammer
To forge an escape?
Worthiness requires capacity
In this callous world.
God I'm so tired!
Freeze to survive is what I do.
A breath tips me forward,
Please don't trip.
This fucking treadmill !
I am starving but my
Salvation hides in the moment.
Style / type:
Free verse
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Owl Has My Soul
Mon, 2021-09-13 11:43
Thanks Mark, I agree.
Thanks Mark, I agree. Punctuation added :-)
I changed "Frigid" to "Infernal" in line 3
and "cold" to "callous" in line 8.
I felt that "Freeze" in line 10 should not have competition with previous words.
Owl Has My Soul
Tue, 2021-09-14 07:18
Hey Mark, I did a partial
Hey Mark, I did a partial rewrite of it. Take a look.
Obadiah Grey
Mon, 2021-09-13 12:54
Somewhat redolent of "The Who
Somewhat redolent of "The Who" lyrics!
Its a side step from the norm,
non of it makes any sense whatsoever
and yet,,,,,,,,,,,,, it works!
Well done mate.
Obi.
Owl Has My Soul
Mon, 2021-09-13 13:33
Thanks Obi — got Pete’s
Thanks Obi — got Pete’s number by chance? Maybe he’ll want to collaborate…
Jamie
Obadiah Grey
Mon, 2021-09-13 13:38
'fraid not, but he has me on
'fraid not, but he has me on speed dial should he feel the need !
Obi.
Obadiah Grey
Mon, 2021-09-13 13:41
'fraid not, but he has me on
'fraid not, but he has me on speed dial should he feel the need !
Obi.
Shit,,,, got me stu,,,stu,,, stutter!
Geezer
Tue, 2021-09-14 07:30
I like the...
down the rabbit-hole approach to the challenge. Like Alice on steroids, it charges ahead with electricity from the treadmill.
~Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Owl Has My Soul
Wed, 2021-09-15 07:46
Thank you Geezer
My world is exhausting, but I soldier on... lol
Obadiah Grey
Tue, 2021-09-14 11:34
Hiya mate.
Hiya mate.
Just a thought, but you might try leaving the original posting of the piece as it is, then, post any alterations/edits in the comments section, that way a reader can follow the evolution of it,,,,,,, just a thought !
Obi.
Owl Has My Soul
Wed, 2021-09-15 07:47
Thanks Mark
Might be close...
Gotta say I appreciate the support and guidance of this site.
Owl Has My Soul
Wed, 2021-09-15 08:04
Just added two lines... Hey
Just added two lines... Hey look -- I am writing a longish poem!
Owl Has My Soul
Wed, 2021-09-15 07:43
Hey Obi
I posted and early version below -- for a more thorough play by play, readers can click Revisions and get the full monty, yeah?
Owl Has My Soul
Wed, 2021-09-15 07:39
Early version
I am hungry but my
Meal hides in the moment
Frigid memory traps
Circle my glass house
Can’t lift the war hammer
To let myself out
Capacity equals worthiness
This cold cruel world
God I’m fucking tired!
Freeze to survive is what I do.
Pray and breathe deep until
I lean and stumble forward
On the treadmill.
Owl Has My Soul
Wed, 2021-09-15 09:37
A more recent version
I am hungry but my
Meal hides in the moment.
Fear siphons power to play
War games without consent
Bunkered in the crippling confines
of a broken nervous system
Can't lift Thor's hammer
To forge an escape.
Worthiness requires capacity
In this callous world.
God I'm so tired!
Freeze to survive is what I do.
A breath tips me forward,
Please don't trip.
This fucking treadmill !
I am starving but my
Salvation hides in the moment