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NATURE IN SUMMER

Cocktail blue stabbing skies
and gold pillars of pouring light
Coming from a fiery scorching
ring
above. A mob of angry yellow jacket
coated

wasps and some monk humming bees
hovering over the splashed colour flowers
and shrubs. Towers and skyscrapers
of
nut brown trees and reaching shades
of
greens.
Nature puts on its earthy seasoned
perfume. The jade green grass rolls
down its
silk striped sleeves. The ferns shows
us their ever

green jackets. And the forest shows
us its
musical soul swelling garden and
nature

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Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "NATURE IN SUMMER" effectively uses vivid and descriptive language to paint a picture of a summer landscape. The choice of words such as "cocktail blue stabbing skies," "gold pillars of pouring light," and "fiery scorching ring" create a strong visual imagery that engages the reader's senses.

However, the poem could benefit from more consistent punctuation. The lack of punctuation in some lines can make the poem difficult to read and can disrupt the flow of the piece. For example, the line "Coming from a fiery scorching ring" could benefit from a comma after "ring" to clarify that the following phrase is a separate idea.

Additionally, the poem could also benefit from more varied sentence structures. The majority of the sentences are simple sentences, which can make the poem feel monotonous. Introducing more complex sentences could add variety and interest to the poem.

Lastly, the poem could use more metaphors or similes to deepen the meaning and add layers to the imagery. While the descriptions are vivid, they are mostly literal. Using more figurative language could add depth and complexity to the poem. For example, instead of simply describing the wasps as "angry yellow jacket coated," the poet could compare them to something else to create a more striking image.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Hello, Jokerface,
This is both playful and dramatic, enveloping all the action in nature in the summertime. I do have a suggestion for the last portion of the poem: find another word instead of "shows." Perhaps the jade green grass "flaunts" its silk sleeves, the ferns "don" their ever green jackets, and maybe the forest "performs" or "orchestrates" its musical soul - something similar to these suggestions to keep the playful action moving. A very magical poem!
Thank you!
L

Yes we are guests but we are children of the stars too

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