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Naked Trees (Naked Trees November contest)
How in pale I wonder,
These beloved trees,
Once dressed in green glamour and glitz
flapping majestically its apparel
a seasonal blessing of nature
why not ask the birds its prominence
an abode of leisure and fresh air.
when will thou recuperate from this disgrace?
this nudity of time,
oh, a brutal rape of shame
the birds longed for you again
I'll tell them when you return.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Contest:
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Comments
Marvel Godwyn
Thu, 2017-11-23 15:00
I can't really remember
I can't really remember reading any of your poems beautifully crafted as this.Nice piece,well done Chiori.
lovedly
Fri, 2017-11-24 04:02
very nice
good imagery
swamp-witch
Fri, 2017-11-24 20:43
Chiori,
A well-crafted contribution to the contest! I love the word choices and images.
Good luck with the contest,
Kelsey
Critique, don't comment.
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scribbler
Thu, 2017-11-30 12:09
greetings
An enjoyable short poem . The last line Really makes this poem. good luck in contest.......stan
lovedly
Fri, 2017-12-01 05:17
YES
AND CONGRATS FOR AN HM
I TOO EARNED ONCE
MY HEART NEARLY BURST
THEY know it will
so I Never ever in life
have ever come FIRST
SECOND FROM FRONT
ALWAYS
LAST BUT ONE
IN MARATHON
weirdelf
Fri, 2017-12-01 10:01
Congratulations on close runner up
for the November contest!
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Chiori
Tue, 2017-12-05 12:25
Thank you Jess
I would like to be enlightened about the close runner up
always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing
weirdelf
Wed, 2017-12-06 02:34
Chiori, it is with regret that I critique little and write less
I'm better at helping others than I am at writing my own work and it gives me great pleasure to help a poet grow. I've just been though a long cycle of depression and eagerly look forward to an 'up' cycle of benefitial feedback to others and someof my mothrr]sr of my groem feednsch mosrer.
I've cried, I've hr;o sr gtomr
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
weirdelf
Wed, 2017-12-06 06:07
"someof my mothrr]sr of my groem feednsch mosrer.
I've cried, I've hr;o sr gtomr"
I have no idea what that means. I have been partying for four days at a Mushaira with pretty poets, angels and various illegal substances, celebrating my 60th birthday.
My motto is from the Japanese TV series "Monkey"- The nature of Jess is irrepressible.
I always come back.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry