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Love Attraction
I met you on literary platform
and I intend to ask where you from
could this be a cosmic love
or am I ruminating down from above
now I am entangled between a long distance
your love has bullied me into a sudden trance
now I am frolicking on a thin air
with a sound proof of lust and I err
if I arise above this hallucination
dare me, I will conquer your inclination
for all this cosmic love and affair
is just a cheap crawling feeling that stair
© Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu
11:07 AM, 9/2/2022
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Ray Whitaker
Thu, 2022-02-10 12:57
Love the two line stanzas!
Couplets. one of my favorite forms to write in.
I think your title is appropriate, the theme appealed to me, both the internal logic and ending were consistent. really liked the questioning.
my suggestions...
--S2, L2: replace "and " with "from"
--S3, L2: replace "bullet" with "bullied me" or driven me"
Very nice piece!
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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Jackweb
Thu, 2022-02-10 16:24
Good observation
Thank you so much.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb