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"Love"
We know love to be
I know love to be
What is the be?
Affection? Physical touch?
Its never been this easy, to understood what love could be
To feel the underlying
state of emotion
To be.. you. To not have to worry what other people think of you, because
Because you are you.
The world has taught us to be a version of the stimulation, to
Fit in
To heal from this feeling
The feeling of not being enough
Is not what we thought it could be
Its being aware of your body, aware of your state in the earth in this very moment.
And maybe, just maybe
Love will find it way
Love will find its way to be
To be your escape from the true reasons you hide behind the sheep.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
Wed, 2022-08-31 05:24
Welcome
Great writing. I’m not really the resident free verse expert but I like this. If you’re seeking community and interaction with other writers, I think this is a great place. I find the members to be supportive and also interesting in their uniqueness. Everyone has a style or an aesthetic that’s a bit different and many of us are really engaging. Give it a quick proofread, you missed an apostrophe in the contraction “it’s” and there may be a line or two the could be arranged differently(make the breaks ends of lines for the reader).
Welcome and nice work,
Tim
Obadiah Grey
Wed, 2022-08-31 12:33
Love could be......
Love could be......
Feathered,
daft,
leaning sweet,
compliant
reliant
We - complete.
I guess most folks interpretation of love eventually converge somewhere in the middle!
and then there's those like me thats asking
"where's the feckin middle at?
Obi.
Obadiah Grey
Wed, 2022-08-31 12:59
Hello there, Adri.
Hello there, Adri.
I found your piece to be. pointed, edgy, when read in an urgent manner.
I liked it a lot...... (write with the head, not the heart)
Obi.
RoseBlack
Wed, 2022-08-31 17:31
Welcome
To Neopoet, Adri. Your poem was intriguing as it seems to have started off as a romantic poem and then turned into something different. Well done.
.
~RoseBlack~
Jackweb
Sat, 2022-09-03 01:04
Arrangement of a poem
The way you structure a poem, is the way emotions transfuse from you to your reader. Structure is important it keeps you on track with the poem too.
I liked Rosewood's eagle eye on this piece! He said, "Give it a quick proofread, you missed an apostrophe in the contraction “it’s”.
Nice job!
I suggest you put it in this form: Though you are free to write a free verse. It's your choice. I shaped some few lines by omitting a kind of repeated lines.
We know love to be,
I know love to be
What is the be?
Affection? Physical touch?
It's never been this easy,
to understood what love could be.
To feel the underlying state of emotion;
To be... you do not have to worry what other people think of you, because you are you.
The world has taught us to be a version of the stimulation, to fit in.
To heal from this feeling,
the feeling of not being enough
Is not what we thought it could be.
It's being aware of your body, aware of your state in the earth in this very moment.
And maybe, just maybe!
Love will find it's way.
Love will find it's way to be your escape from the true reasons you hide behind the sheep.
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb