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Late Night Munchies # II... [Random Challege #16]
Hand full of peanuts
ear for the blues
bottle of aged whiskey
a heart full of you
Piano keys tinkling
Strings are humming
I see the blues
Yes, they're coming
Woman always picking
Blame me everything
But she got a sweet voice
Maaaan, she can sing
Fingers tap the ivory
high notes, guitar strum
Picking those notes
against slow beating drums
Hear my strings wail
the song of love wrong
Sax howling midnight
Feelings so strong
Oh God, am I crazy?
I'm happy with you
where there's whiskey,the munchies
and a thing called the blues
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
I like this one better! What do you think?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Sat, 2022-06-04 14:14
I like this...
this one better, what about you? ~ Geez.
.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Candlewitch
Sat, 2022-06-04 14:19
dear Geezer,
I like this one better than the first! it is amazing! my favorite lines:
Hear my strings wail
the song of love wrong
Sax howling midnight
Feelings so strong
I have no suggestions...you nailed it!
*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
scribbler
Sat, 2022-06-04 14:24
Hi Gee
Only critique I have is ending 2 lines with "blues". Maybe end 2nd with something like old songs?
Geezer
Sat, 2022-06-04 14:42
I will...
think on it. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.