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Jeckyl & Hyde
I feel one with the wind
I feed off the lonliness
The hatred keeps my soul warm
How could I live without my mental illness?
I am multiple different souls
trapped in the same heart
is it just my personality?
Maybe my mind is split into different parts..
One minute I am me
The next I am not
I will never be the me that I used to be
But I think about it so blissfully
So often sometimes that I crave it
Like the old me is a glass of water
And I am so, so, thirsty.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Adrien Brook
Sun, 2020-08-16 00:19
Wow!!!
Wow!!!
This is really fascinating! I assume you have DID!
I'm sorry for your struggles... You've depicted it really well here.
One piece of advice I have is that the end sort of loses its flow a bit. I think you should remove the word "Like".
So:
'So often sometimes that I crave it.
The old me is a glass of water
And I am so, so thirsty.'
I think the that metaphor is absolutely amazing, but I think the speculative "like" takes away from it a bit.
I'd also say that a similar thing runs through the whole poem. Often a tip with writing (particularly prose) is to remove any unnecessary speculative words [just, like, had, etc.] Obviously they exist here to purposefully create that uncertainty, so it is entirely up to you, but I personally think the poem would come out stronger, cleaner without those sorts of words.