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Is It Any Wonder I Quake
Is it any wonder I quake
the night is dark and I'm awake
I am a women on my own
with nothing but a dog and phone.
I'm crinkly old and like a rake
Is it any wonder I quake
a criminal could knock me flat
that's why I hide a cricket bat.
My doors are locked, but I'm in dread
Is Jack the ripper 'neath my bed?
Is it any wonder I quake
with thoughts like these that make me shake.
That dog of mine, she's just a curse
she barks a lot and makes me worse
I'm here alone for goodness sake.
Is it any wonder I quake?
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Thought I'd give this format a go - sorry it was done in a rush - as usual we are busy and set to get busier over the next few weeks. I wondered if "it's no wonder that I quake" would be a better alternative for the repeated verse. Anyway thanks for reading and I appreciate your comments.
Love Mand xxxx
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Mon, 2015-03-23 13:37
ha ha Mand
A very well written quatern. A fun write though not sure if this is intended. I think it could be read as both.
I haven't counted the syllables as I count on you :)((winks))
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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mand
Tue, 2015-03-24 10:30
Hi Rula :)
He he! Thanks Rula - Glad you liked it - knowing it made you and others smile is the greatest compliment I could ask for. :)
Keep safe my friend :)
Love to you
Mand xxxx
scribbler
Mon, 2015-03-23 14:23
crinkly old
and like a rake.............riiiiight. You are likely younger than I but since I'm old as dirt that might not say much lol. If you want to change that one line just insert "that" right before I. In the mean time if you worry about somebody being under your bed, just hope it's not Obama and his condescending wagging finger lol.
As to barking dog, years ago we had a dog that barked at us as well as everything else....until the night somebody broke into my van and stole a bunch of tools. Not a peep that night........stan
mand
Tue, 2015-03-24 10:40
Ha ha
Crinkly old - yep! Like a rake - might be pushing poetic license a tad! Lol Ha ha you are sooo funny Stan! :) I have a suspicion my dog will be like yours. She'll probably lick em to death or defend them if I charge at them with a cricket bat! Lol
Thanks for the visit Stan - much appreciated.
Love Mand xxx
raj
Mon, 2015-03-23 14:27
Mand
Not you it also made me quake
but not in fright but for fun sake
tell you what, you got a chance
to win then have a dance
for that make sure you enter it under the contest tab...its a great quatern and full of fun...i loved it...
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Tue, 2015-03-24 12:51
Ha ha
Poetry is in your blood Raj. :) I like your little poem, made me smile :) and if mine made you quake I'm super happy! Hasn't the contest finished?
I did this last time didn't I - Still I'll have a go at Aprils contest - for sure.
Thanks for you lovely poem Raj - happy me.
Love to you
Mand xxxx
raj
Tue, 2015-03-24 13:47
Oh dear Mand!
I fail to understand how the contest for March can be over although we are still a week away from end of March. I wish I had a clout with Stan to allow your poem to gent an entry at least via the back door :)
Anyways, be an early bird for the April contest ok?..Lest you forget...i will keep nagging you :)
much love and hugs..
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Tue, 2015-03-24 13:53
Thanks Raj
I need reminding - brain like a sieve! Lol :)
raj
Tue, 2015-03-24 13:59
Ok Mand
I will keep bugging you even if you call me a bugger...lol
raj (sublime_ocean)
mand
Tue, 2015-03-24 15:02
Ha ha ha
That was funny. :)
Sparrow
Tue, 2015-03-24 05:38
Mand
Ask one of those lovely film stars if they need a place to stay lol.
How the heck is anyone going to be near you if you are always quaking lol.
Loved it the form is fine to me but I forgot to count the syllables as there are supposed to be eight to each line.
I have checked and you are spot on I am going to ignore "AM" that my damn syllable counter puts as two syllables?????
We live in hope, though I always say it is a negative word, we must get out there and meet people.
One day young Lady, Yours Ian.T
PS:- Is that dog of yours a pit bull ???
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
mand
Tue, 2015-03-24 12:55
Hi Ian
I hope you had a nice holiday - last week wasn't it? time flies so quick I can't keep up. Lol
Me dog is a fearsome Jack Russell - She'd take on a pit bull if she could though - and get minced up in the processes, silly doggie! Lol
Thanks for droppin by Ian - keep safe - say hello to the children from me.
Love Mand xxxxx
wesley snow
Sat, 2015-03-28 15:58
Syllable count is go.
I counted. Sorry. That's just me. Excellent poem. I enjoyed this.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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mand
Fri, 2015-04-03 08:36
Hi Wes :)
Glad you liked it - nice of you to read and comment! ( thanks for counting the syllable too )
Love to you
Mand xxx
judyanne
Fri, 2015-04-03 11:46
love it
crinkly old and like a rake .... describing me Mand lol
Great rhyme
Just one suggestion
I found the rhythm smooth in every verse but the refrain
Can I suggest 'it is no wonder that I quake'
Love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
mand
Sat, 2015-04-04 15:25
Thanks Judy
Made the change - what do you think - better? Kind of you to read and make the suggestion. :)
Much appreciated.
Love Mand xxxx