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Intricate Sickness
You bathe me in your glow
the warmth of your voice
gentle and dripping
the halo of fire about
the crowns rising like red birds
in the dust smote skys
like red stars spiralling
in the rust of galaxies
I am drowned in my past
and you are a swimmer
my mermaid dreamer
how it all glimmers
in this seasons cold
wrapped with the darkness
erasing happiness
words given and I reach
losing more of the wall
your dance
flights about me
this longing I never knew
tears me free
how you cut me loose to drift
this last time
hoping for happiness
hoping to rest
in the depths of home
Editing stage:
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Comments
Esker
Mon, 2011-01-17 00:27
dear Rosina
"dust smote skys" smote was the old term to crush I think
i could be wrong skys I love Skies although correct makes me
wince I dont know why I was thinking of love crashed together
like chalkbrushs of all things the dust swirling in the sun like
stars like galaxies and rust of course Oxidized by rain exposure
to the elements the brutal openess of the soul by loves heart
picked lock I know it sounds all crazy ah yes Im odd
anyway I like your thoughts to this
"In the dusk smoke skies" Ive added "k" to "T"
dusk is a favourite hour of mine the transition
the preparing for night
then I liked the softness your approach gave this
and in my head dropped the "in/s" and the "the/s"
to "a/s"
"a red star spirals..
on rust of galaxies desire..
A drowned past
beckoned by mermaid
dreamer..."
etc
so all that from your suggestion
why I love Poetry and Poets
thank you
(and Neopoet)
Kailashana2
Mon, 2011-01-17 08:16
Steven, your poetry has
Steven, your poetry has always been sublime; however, in your more recent poems, it seems
you are in touch with something that you hadn't quite grasped before...
Your poetry speaks eloquently..... as if you've fleshed out what was missing.
I love it.
~A
pleiades
Mon, 2011-01-17 17:33
"I am drowned in my past
"I am drowned in my past
and you are a swimmer
my mermaid dreamer"
these words seep into my marrow
so beautiful, it aches
you said.
"i think my writing is crap of late..."
bollocks mr wolf ... bollocks!
you are writing like a dream
now granted, i haven't read much of your recent work yet,
and you may well have some stinkers (yeah, right)
but what i have read has a level of something i can't quite
put my finger on, but a level that hasn't been there in earlier
writes
it's as if you are tapping into a part of self
that has been waiting to be heard ...
waiting to be able to express ...
i don't know, perhaps i'm woffling
i can't see anything here that could be
improved upon
it's a subliminal piece of writing
that stirs something in me
with its vulnerability
your writes are growing tighter,
more grounded somehow ...
grounded in what, i don't know,
but it's all working
as if you are stripping away peripherals,
and working with the raw
your p,
in admiration yet again
Esker
Mon, 2011-01-17 22:07
I am appreciative
I try hard to write something
that sounds like poetry I read once and liked
I feel like Im ripping them out of me
from dreams and segments of life
beautiful and precious seconds
that drift into the poetry
become lines in my short stories
(another site)
and i write stuff that is stumbling
but every so often there is an okay
poem
lots of stuff going on
all I know is that at least
there is something artistic
that im leaving
it doesnt balance
all this i live in and create
here
maybe just maybe
its better then a totality
Esker
Sat, 2016-09-17 00:56
five years
I never do or did answer anyone directly
most of the poems are like talking too
myself half the time...
thank U for liking the poem and being
affected by it...."The marrow" guess
thats a good thing!
...