Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Heart That Never Surrenders

In the basement
Of a broken heart
There is a strand
Of hope the
Naked eye can’t see

It turns lights on
So, darkness never
Finds it’s throne

The sun of a soul
blinks its eyes,
rather play dead
Then see a heart
Shed even one tear

When it feels safe
It awakens sending
the broken one
on its way back
To its throne

Even though this is
Not it’s first battle
It knows a sadness
That makes breathing
Into a soldier that
Has no gun in war

The heart hides
a smile in pockets
For the hours that
The sun Is hiding
It’s brightness

overwhelmed
And out of breath
It still gives music
For love to dance

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Heart That Never Surrenders" presents a compelling exploration of resilience and hope amid emotional pain. The metaphoric language used throughout the poem paints a vivid picture of the heart's struggle and its determination to persevere.

However, there are several areas where the poem could benefit from further refinement. Firstly, the poem's rhythm and flow could be improved. While free verse does not adhere to traditional meter or rhyme schemes, it still benefits from a sense of rhythm and flow. Consider revising some lines to improve the overall rhythm of the poem.

Secondly, the poem's imagery, while evocative, could be more consistent. For example, the heart is described as being in a basement, then as a soldier, and later as a source of music. While each of these images is powerful in its own right, they may create a sense of disjointedness when combined. Consider focusing on one central metaphor or image to create a more cohesive and impactful narrative.

Lastly, the poem's punctuation could be revised for clarity. There are several instances where the lack of punctuation makes the poem's meaning unclear. For example, in the line "Of hope the/Naked eye can’t see", the placement of the line break and the lack of punctuation makes it unclear whether the hope is something the naked eye can't see, or whether the naked eye itself can't see. Consider revising the punctuation and line breaks to ensure the poem's meaning is clear.

Overall, the poem presents a powerful exploration of resilience and hope. With some refinement in terms of rhythm, imagery, and punctuation, it has the potential to be even more impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.