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Haiku:(5-7-5) The River
The river runs free
between sunrise and sunset
into waterfalls
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Kailashana2
Fri, 2010-12-31 05:13
The word counts are correct,
The word counts are correct, allow me please to rearrange them for the *effect* of Haiku.
where the river runs
sunrise and sunset flowing
waterfalls of light
~Anna
Nordic cloud
Fri, 2010-12-31 10:07
Well done Barbara a lovely New Year's poem,
I think this beautiful Barbara, the idea is perfectly lovely,
and worthy of a haiku in the traditional style of such.
I like yours and I like Anna's version, the exclusion of
the word free would change a tiny aspect of this poem
that I like I think! I am not sure.
Well done Barbara a lovely New Year's poem,
with water that runs through all the years weathers.
Love from Ann.
Just had fun with it, probably not the right count though:-
The river runs free
between sunrise and sunset
the bright waterfalls
Free flowing in the river
sunrise and sunset bright
waterfalls of light
No don't bother with them!!!
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.