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Fear

Submitted by Muhammadwrites on Sun, 2020-03-15 06:46

Fierce as a spade
It Strucked me in the nerves
Anytime I want to try
Anytime I take a step
It will hold me back
Fear
Fear of eyes and ears
Fear of tongues and judgement
Fear of the unknown
It had burn many dreams to ashes
It had killed men
It is an emotional menace
It trespasses our mind
But we have to live with it, how absurd

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Geezer

Sun, 2020-03-15 07:47

Geezer's picture
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and welcome to Neopoet! I have read your poem and notice that you are having a little trouble with your tenses.
You should be aware that you should try to keep them in the same mode for a good reading.
There are three ways you can go with this:
The past, the present and the future; which you seem to have done all three!
be aware that very often, the spelling changes with each shift of tense.

1].The present tense would be: It strikes me in the nerves
2] The past tense: It struck me in the nerves
3]. The future tense would be: an additional word to modify it such as: It [will] strike me in the nerves.

Likewise with [had] the word itself will change.
1]future: [will]
2]present: [is]
3]past; [had].

I hope this helps you. ~ Geezer.

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Eumolpus

Sun, 2020-03-15 11:14

Eumolpus's picture

You are using repetition, one of the primal devices of poetry. This is good .
The last line is a statement, cliche, and leads the reader nowhere. Think more deeply about fear. Why do we have to accept it? Why is it absurd? Work through metaphor. Consider fear in relation to other things around YOU! Put yourself much more in the poem. Don’t tell us vaguely what fear is. Tell us about YOU what are you scared of? Why?

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

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