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Echoes

Submitted by Trail on Fri, 2024-09-06 18:26

Once there was a man
Who wrote beautiful music
He wrote the music because he was sad
He was sad because he was all alone

But he was noticed for his music
He ended up being loved for it
And in being loved
He lost his sadness
And his music soon after

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I'm experimenting here, so just tell me how it comes across
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoet Weekly 09/01/24 to 09/07/24
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2024-09-07 00:30

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively captures the emotional journey of the man through his music. The progression from loneliness to recognition and then to loss is clear and poignant. The use of repetition with "He wrote the music because he was sad" and "And in being loved" creates a sense of echoes, reinforcing the themes of loneliness and change. However, consider exploring more vivid imagery or specific details to enhance the emotional impact of the poem and to engage the reader further. Additionally, you may want to experiment with varying the rhythm or structure to add complexity to the piece.

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