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Dark And Stormy
Who are you?
With your scarlet lipstick,
Drinking your dark and stormy,
A secret in your smile,
My eyes refuse to meet yours,
My cheeks blushing,
I notice a small scar on your hand,
No wedding ring,
I sigh to myself,
What the heart wants,
It may never get,
Then you get up,
And slowly walk away,
As I glance at you like a wounded puppy,
My fears too real to be bold,
But then you stop,
And turn your head slightly,
Giving me a sensuous scarlet smile,
Tonight,
The heart will get what it wants.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Sun, 2023-01-15 09:44
Beware...
the dark and stormy heart! I like the story and wish that it was a little more. The idea is great, there is just a little something missing. I'm not sure of what it is, maybe it is that there was no real interaction. Maybe you will get a clue from one of the other poets. ~ Geezer.
.
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C. Wolff
Mon, 2023-01-16 06:40
Thx so much for the feedback!
Thx so much for the feedback!
Rosewood Apothecary
Sun, 2023-01-15 15:12
Geezer has an interesting point
I’m to assume they rendezvous from the last lines but the rest is very ambiguous. Now if it is meant to be ambiguous. I don’t think there’s anything missing except a question mark at the end.
Who are you?
With your scarlet lipstick,
Drinking your dark and stormy,
A secret in your smile,
My eyes refuse to meet yours,
My cheeks blushing,
I notice a small scar on your hand,
No wedding ring,
I sigh to myself,
What the heart wants,
It may never get,
Then you get up,
And slowly walk away,
As I glance at you like a wounded puppy,
My fears too real to be bold,
But then you stop,
And turn your head slightly,
Giving me a sensuous scarlet smile,
Tonight,
The heart will get what it wants?
Or maybe
Who are you?
With your scarlet lipstick,
Drinking your dark and stormy,
A secret in your smile,
My eyes refuse to meet yours,
My cheeks blushing,
I notice a small scar on your hand,
No wedding ring,
I sigh to myself,
What the heart wants,
It may never get,
Then you get up,
And slowly walk away,
As I glance at you like a wounded puppy,
My fears too real to be bold,
But then you stop,
And turn your head slightly,
Giving me a sensuous scarlet smile.
The waitress places a cocktail napkin
Face down beside my drink deliberately
Making certain I notice
I flip it over
“Room 319”
Tonight,
The heart will get what it wants.
It was worth a shot
Tim
C. Wolff
Tue, 2023-01-24 12:51
agreed! Thx :)
agreed! Thx :)
C. Wolff
Mon, 2023-01-16 06:41
Agreed and thx!!
Agreed and thx!!
C. Wolff
Mon, 2023-01-23 13:20
Thx for the feedback!!
Thx for the feedback!!
Candlewitch
Tue, 2023-01-24 13:00
hello poet,
I really like these lines:
But then you stop,
And turn your head slightly,
Giving me a sensuous scarlet smile,
Tonight,
The heart will get what it wants.
the whole poem is electrifying! enjoyed it all!
*hugs, Cat
* ever, eddy styx
*
When someone reads your work
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C. Wolff
Tue, 2023-01-24 14:38
Thank you so much :)
Thank you so much :)