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Born for This
I'm drawing my battle line
Time to turn this on a dime
This isn't a hobby for bliss
I know I was born for this
My heart beats faster every minute
I aim for the mark and I'll hit it
I have to stop the world's clock
I will not quit until I'm at the top
I write these words for somebody like me
Someone lonely just trying to keep it low key
It's time to go, there's not a second to reminisce
'Cause we were born for this, we were born for this
Even when we struggle and we're down in the pits
We are the champions, we were Born for This
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
Mon, 2023-01-09 05:08
Yeah we were
Honestly, there are times I could leave it. I’m not terribly fond of crying all the time but it comes with inspiration and musings so I’ve accepted that part of myself and I roll with it. It is my job to transmute my feelings into written words. It is my Dharma.
Tim
Shelby Pryor
Mon, 2023-01-09 09:12
Rosewood Apothecary
I agree with you wholehearted. Thank you so much for the comment, I truly appreciate the kind words!
Geezer
Mon, 2023-01-09 10:04
I honestly like...
the sentiment, but I think that you could pare it down just a little to make it smoother. With taking out some words that aren't necessary and arranging the ones left a bit differently, this could be a rallying cry for many people! ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Shelby Pryor
Mon, 2023-01-09 21:25
Geezer
I see what you're saying now, guess I missed that before. Thank you for the kind words and suggestions, I truly appreciate it!
Lavender
Tue, 2023-01-10 21:34
Born For This
Hello, Shelby,
Definitely a sharp rally cry, and your title fits perfectly. The first line sets the tone for the poem, and your final line is a strong declaration. A positive message!
L
Shelby Pryor
Wed, 2023-01-11 20:19
Lavender
Thank you so much! I truly appreciate the kind words!
Candlewitch
Wed, 2023-01-11 08:32
dear Shelby,
this reminds me of a "Queen" song written by F. Mercury. I love the Life and energy reaffirming energy!
really excellent, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Shelby Pryor
Wed, 2023-01-11 20:20
Candlewitch
Thank you so much for the words of encouragement, you have no idea how much it means to me!
RoseBlack
Fri, 2023-01-13 17:40
Definitely the starts of a mantra
Nicely done! I think we could all use a positive affirmation like this from time to time.
~RoseBlack~
Shelby Pryor
Fri, 2023-01-13 21:14
RoseBlack
Agreed! Thank you!