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AN ANGEL'S SONG
AN ANGEL'S SONG
We ventured out in the gray of night,
On amber furrows beneath the linden trees,
Where the breeze caressed you're naked knees,
Smooth as a stream, kissed by the moonlight.
The fountains which sobbed in the marble square
Bequeathed to the brisk, aromatic air
A somnolence of grace, repose and song,
As me worshiped you're black and braided hair,
Which sighed to the stars, mellifluous and long.
John Lars Zwerenz
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Last few words:
Mystical oriented, metered, rhyming verse...
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Wed, 2021-06-09 17:51
You're?...
Me worshipped? I think you have some work to do. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
John Lars Zwerenz
Fri, 2021-06-11 06:40
To Geezer
The typos are do to a computer glitch. My apologies. John Lars Zwerenz
Obadiah Grey
Sat, 2021-06-12 13:35
"The typos are "do" to a
"The typos are "do" to a computer glitch." thats bollocks, and you know it.
you are too good to allow a piece to be posted with typos,
I'm guessing that you use misspellings as a hook to draw a reader into "you're" piece.
Obi.
Geezer
Fri, 2021-06-11 07:07
Okay...
No need for apologies, just letting you know. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.