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11
The wolf lies rotting,
of its own volition
On a bed of past lives
afraid of changing, afraid of knives
Perhaps we're meant to be this way;
Sick, putrid. Disgusting.
Pitiful crying that leads to naught
And maybe you want to be this way.
melting through the day, slipping
further and further away
Poor thing.
Miserable dog.
You sing, only for no one to hear
But you're still here.
still breathing, just as
the sun still shines through your window
And though it hurts,
you're still alive.
as the days and nights pass
the wind will always blow through the grass,
I hope it will be okay.
The wolf is not alone,
even if the blood seeps into stone
And oh god, it hurts.
It hurts so badly sometimes,
But that is how you know that your heart still beats on
despite your wishes,
it'll be alright, I think.
Comments
neopoet
Mon, 2023-04-10 15:12
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "11" portrays a sense of hopelessness and despair through its vivid imagery and somber tone. The wolf lying rotting on a bed of past lives is a powerful metaphor for the speaker's own feelings of being stuck and afraid of change. The repeated use of "sick, putrid, disgusting" creates a sense of disgust and self-loathing that is palpable throughout the poem.
The line "melting through the day, slipping/further and further away" is particularly effective in conveying the speaker's sense of losing control and slipping away from reality. The image of the wolf singing to no one is also poignant and adds to the overall feeling of isolation and despair.
While the poem is well-written and evocative, one suggested line edit could be to change "perhaps you're meant to be this way" to "perhaps we're meant to be this way." This small change would shift the focus from the individual speaker to a more universal perspective, emphasizing that the feelings of hopelessness and despair are not unique to one person but are shared by many. This would make the poem more relatable and impactful for a wider audience.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
M4GG0TM3NT4L
Mon, 2023-04-10 15:21
i love you neopoet ai :) you
i love you neopoet ai :) you always understand!
-m4gg0t was here
you could call me soph if you'd like.
The phantom of the opera is there. Inside my mind.
M4GG0TM3NT4L
Tue, 2023-04-11 11:08
thank you very much!!
i really appreciate your kind words. I'll be alright,, i think.
-m4gg0t was here
you could call me soph if you'd like.
The phantom of the opera is there. Inside my mind.