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A PERFECT DAY
We'll walk along the warm wet sand
and watch the sand fleas disappear
on the Myrtle Beach grand strand
the way we did one bygone year
With gulls filling the clear blue sky
with mobile white and raucous laughter
buzzing us as we passed by
on our way to ever after
I'm sure we were among a crowd
beyond the dunes where sea oats grew
and certainly the surf was loud
but I only saw and just heard you
We'll return there one fine day
and smell the ocean in the air
and carefree on the warm sands lay
while sunlight plays on your soft hair
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Sun, 2011-07-17 18:18
Hi Rose
time spent with loved ones, whether pet or human, is to be treasured. And thanks for eagle eye lol..........stan
scribbler
Sun, 2011-07-17 22:54
hi Lonnie
Never claimed to be otherwise lol. And the lucky one is ME.............stan
loved
Mon, 2011-07-18 19:38
I AM ALWAYS OUT OR THE BUSH STAN DEAR,NOW ROMANTIC MAN
My perfect day is
when you treat me
with a comment
and folow it up
with a message
come Loved join me..... YOU SO SAY...
that's what makes my day
P E R F E C T
STAN THIS LET ME PUBLICKLY SAY....
loved
scribbler
Mon, 2011-07-18 21:57
hi lved
Thanks for the read and kind comment. My computer was down with a virus for almost 4 days and I doubt I'll ever get caught up with commenting, But I'll try to at least not get much farther behind lol.....stan
Candlewitch
Tue, 2011-07-19 10:47
Dear Stan,
A beautiful love poem. My favorite lines:
I'm sure we were among a crowd
beyond the dunes where sea oats grew
and certainly the surf was loud
but I only saw and just heard you
any woman would adore these words, just for her.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
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scribbler
Tue, 2011-07-19 13:07
Hi Cat
Hi Cat
line forms to the right lol( just kidding) .Glad you enjoyed this............stan
vexations10
Tue, 2011-07-19 13:36
Not been around
for a while. I see you have not lost your talents. Be well
vexations
scribbler
Tue, 2011-07-19 20:47
Hi vex
I hope reason for your absence is good things happening. Thanks for the read and kind comment...........stan