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Enlightenment...
Not every empty space on the canvas needs to be filled
All secrets don't have to be exposed
Not everything written... should be
What I don't know, doesn't always need to be known
What I do know... is that some mysteries should be left
to expose themselves slowly
like artifacts eroded from the sands of time
Fossils from the past, to be found in the future
when I need reassurance that I have lived
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Kailashana2
Sun, 2011-05-29 22:55
Hi Sir Gee,
Hi Sir Gee,
"When I need reassurance that I have lived." Wonderful ending for a wonderful oh-so-true poem.
Thank you!
I happened to be introduced to and fell in love with this Michael Blumenthal poem, which yours reminds me of Strange synchronicity.
What I Believe
I believe there is no justice,
but that cottongrass and bunchberry
grow on the mountain.
I believe that a scorpion's sting
will kill a man,
but that his wife will remarry.
I believe that, the older we get,
the weaker the body,
but the stronger the soul.
I believe that if you roll over at night
in an empty bed,
the air consoles you.
I believe that no one is spared
the darkness
and no one gets all of it.
I believe we all drown eventually
in a sea of our making,
but that the land belongs to someone else.
I believe in destiny.
And I believe in free will.
I believe that, when all
the clocks break,
time goes on without them.
And I believe that whatever
pulls us under,
will do so gently.
so as not to disturb anyone,
so as not to interfere
with what we believe in.
~
Michael Blumenthal
~
Geezer
Mon, 2011-05-30 08:29
Thank you...
This came to me after I talked with a passenger in my taxi. They have a girlfriend who wants to know EVERYTHING about them, and the girlfriend insists on telling EVERYTHING about themselves. After a few questions about their relationship, and I was thinking that she sounded very controling, he suddenly said; "You know, I don't think I can live with this rerlationship, she seems like she wants to control EVERYTHING. I will wind up living the life she wants me to, not my own. I am going to break up with her. I hope that he finds happiness, and that he lives. ~ Gee P.S. Thanks for the Blumenthal poem
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Eduardo Cruz
Sun, 2011-05-29 23:26
Gee
"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like." Lao Tzu
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Geezer
Mon, 2011-05-30 08:44
One must...
be able to discern the smooth and untroubled path from one that is rocky and full of woe. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
brittle light
Mon, 2011-05-30 01:36
this reads smoothly and
this reads smoothly and elegantly, capturing, corraling, and taming the thought/theme into the service of a spendid poem.... (or something like that)!
Al
Geezer
Mon, 2011-05-30 08:47
Thank you Al...
Nice to see you here. I will look for your work. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geezer
Mon, 2011-05-30 09:00
Glad that you...
related to this, and took the time to let me know. Isn't it a grand thing to have people and things to connect with? Especially when they have lasted for more than twenty years. That is the kind of thing that you look back on, and say; "I lived." I will look at losing [time]. Thanks, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geezer
Tue, 2011-05-31 08:38
I know...
that you have been busy. Hope things are going well with your continuing education. Love to read that poem close to your heart. I haven't been writing much lately, but trying to be more thoughtful when I do.
Been a real up and down period for me, the last couple of weeks. First, they wanted me to work nights again at the taxi co. then they changed their minds,[ largely through the efforts of one of the dispatchers, and my best friend] and I caught a cold from one of my fares a couple of weeks ago, and was fighting that, [which almost turned into pneumonia, and sent me to the E.R.] But things are starting to turn around for the better. Quit smoking AGAIN, [been two weeks], and have Doc. appt. this am. Motorcycle will be ready to put on the road, by the end of this week, just need to get up money for insurance and registration, and I will worry about the paint on the new tank later, I just want to ride it a few days before that. Send me that poem if you will, Love and higgest bugs, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geezer
Tue, 2011-05-31 08:41
Thanks Lonnie...
I haven't been writing much lately, or even reading much, but I will try to catch up on things. I especially want to see what you have been doing. So glad to see that you are still here with us. Say hello to the missus for me. ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
magics02
Mon, 2011-05-30 14:22
Excellent
Geez, felt this one strongly that is all I can say right about now. A great piece of fine art - your words.
Love Mona
Geezer
Tue, 2011-05-31 08:46
That is what...
I like to see. That people identify with what I write. It is enough that you read and like my work, I'm not sure that it is fine art, but thanks for saying so. I just like to take the thoughts that occur to me as the result of communing with other people, and try to make poetry with them. If that is art, or what passes for it, I'm glad to make some. Thanks Mona, love ya, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Tue, 2011-05-31 10:50
Dear Sir Gee,
I follow and agree with your ideas, here. It is nice to have a few empty spaces, they can be peaceful pauses. Not every secret need telling. My favorite lines are:
What I do know... is that some mysteries should be left
to expose themselves slowly, like artifacts eroding from the sands of time
Fossils from the past, to be found in the future
when I need reassurance that I have lived
love, Cat (& eddy)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Fri, 2011-06-03 08:53
Thanks...
Cat [& eddy], I appreciate your saying that those are your fav. lines, because they are mine too. I hope that you and yours have many peaceful pauses in your lives. Love ya, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lenny of Cohen
Tue, 2011-05-31 11:06
Struck a cord
and I enjoyed the tune that came forth.
Namaste,
Lenny
_________________________________________
"Death" is nonsense: what is there to die?
"Life"? How could " life" "die"? That is a contradiction
in terms. Can "light" become "darkness"?
"Light" can only cease to be apparent
Wei Wu Wei
Geezer
Fri, 2011-06-03 08:54
Glad to strike..
a chord with anyone so as to play some music. Thanks for the read and comment. ~ Geezer
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Nordic cloud
Thu, 2011-06-02 14:32
because he knows he has lived
Erik is always saying that he is glad he has his sculptures still, because he knows he has lived when he sees them, perhaps others will find that here in their poetry, you find it in fossils, or hope someone will in the future perhaps in your fossils?
"like artifacts eroding from the sands of time" ...in the sands, or eroded by the sands of time? And why not make it another line the verses don't have to be identical, it would look neater!
artifacts = artefacts.
I liked the way you put it all, in a shroud of mystery.
Love from queen Anne.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Geezer
Fri, 2011-06-03 09:04
Hello my Queen...
I changed eroding to eroded, and moved the line. It does look neater! Thank you. Artifact= [according to my Webster's New World Dictionary]. I hope that someone some day will look at something I wrote, painted, photographed or left behind will say; " Hey look at that, there was an interesting person." Love, Sir Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Tue, 2011-06-07 10:27
Dear Sir Gee,
What I do know... is that some mysteries should be left
to expose themselves slowly
like artifacts eroded from the sands of time
!!!
My thoughts, exactly!
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Xavier Sleuth
Mon, 2021-08-09 20:16
Pretty neat-
Makes good points.
Thx 4 sharing.
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Xtremely busy Xponentially becoming Xcellently at Xactly _____