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Happier days again
When in melancholy
the heart explodes
like a volcano
such words emanate
with love intermingled with sorrow
who knows of a tomorrow
life simply
ebbs
away
day after day
till comes another
happier day
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
Artyfax
Tue, 2013-12-03 06:55
Hi ...
I enjoyed most of this poem but found the last two lines "strange" almost out of place. I had to read it several times and the third repetition of "day" in such a short space of time is what is wrong for me.
I also found that the first three lines sounded OK but there was a major step to the rest of the poem. It read OK but when I stopped to try and understand it, to try and put those last lines in their place, I found I did not know where those "words" came from. Were they said by, or to, the subject of the poem. Maybe it doesn't matter? Maybe it does? I am still learning.
loved
Tue, 2013-12-03 09:45
perhaps as you read some more of mine
you will be able to make up ur mind
which way the river should flow
loved