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Doing it right
I don’t understand decoration
When I ride a wave I ride for the tube,
Not three sixties
When I ski, I ski fast,
Through powder, bumps, trees or avalanche
If I designed a building it would be a cube,
Or hexagonal for maximum density
Is there a paradox here?
Not to me.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
weirdelf
Sat, 2013-06-08 12:52
it is tricky and painful to ski through a tree
but trees is the same as woods,
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Ian.T
Sat, 2013-06-08 09:41
Jess
Sounds very much like you, do you need that "S" on the end of avalanche as it sounds more crisp without it.
Seems that you won't take second place, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
weirdelf
Sat, 2013-06-08 12:51
avalanche it is
well sspotted ssir
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
brittle light
Sat, 2013-06-08 14:07
Jess
beauty, truth, simplicity, need no ornamentation...the vapid, ugly, and superficial hide in it. (can you blame them!)
your poem is an exemplar of this point, and particularly apropos of poetry.
Al
weirdelf
Sun, 2013-06-09 05:01
thanks Al
It's probably a good thing I'm not an architect though,
[grins]
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Rula
Sun, 2013-06-09 04:06
I agree with Ian
This is so You and 98 % of the men . I think women can take care :P
I thought in line one
I don’t understand decoration
might be "stand" instead of "understand" but both work.
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weirdelf
Sun, 2013-06-09 05:05
It is interesting that there seems to be something
of a male/female divide over the subject of decoration. I remember, I think, criticising one of your poems for using ~~~ etc. And I certainly don't like centred verse.
Understand is the correct word. I can appreciate decoration when it doesn't interfere with the prime function of the object/work/piece etc.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry