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I Am Still
I took the sweep of the weeping willow
To scatter your memory, as gently as I could
I failed, there was a sound from my soul,
that told the willow fronds not to brush so
I cried a storm, to wash away the tears of yesterday
Yet your Spirit built a sublime river with it.
Teach me to remember with grace your ways.
Whisper in my mind that you are there for always.
I will stand still on the mountains top,
There I will gaze at all before me, to drift my soul
The clouds swirl with soft embraces to quell my fears
The moisture clings to my life just so, I can't let go.
I have dreamed for a while now my sweet
Tell me softly, the reality as your memory drifts by.
Pure thoughts echo through all I am,
That my love for all these years, is yours and mine..
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Let me rest where memories take my thoughts to where my body would wish to go, Ian.T
Editing stage:
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Comments
Esker
Fri, 2013-02-22 20:10
A most telling poem Ian
I like this style much!
wistful and yet somber and serious
with the poetic flow to make it
a very good read!!
Thank You!
Ian.T
Sat, 2013-02-23 02:38
Steve
Thank you very much for your visit, and welcome comment.
This is the style I am more comfortable writing, but sometimes it comes over a little sad, but that's another story, origins of which are in Canada.
This time of the year my thoughts go out to a long time ago when I spent some time there.
You take care out there it is a lovely country, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Seren
Sat, 2013-02-23 09:12
Ian
A beautiful poem wistfully sad in a sense but on the other hand your memory carves into the soul and speaks such lovely thoughts
Well done
Love always Jc xxx j
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Ian.T
Sat, 2013-02-23 12:09
Jayne
The two people that commented on this piece, well what more does one want..
Lovely to see you here again, I hope that all is well with you,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
loved
Sat, 2013-02-23 12:21
....a third one
bard me
pardon me
must be good
if two have understood
loved
Ian.T
Sat, 2013-02-23 13:16
Loved
Lovely to have you drop in it is welcome, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Frenchf
Sat, 2013-02-23 17:58
So soulful
We're you happy with tempo?
I took the sweep of the weeping willow
To scatter your memory, as gently as I could
I failed, there was a sound from my soul
that told the willow fronds not to brush so
Is this not as expressive?
Ian.T
Sat, 2013-02-23 18:33
Frenchf
This was written and then streamed within 30 minutes so it was raw.
I have tended to the write and altered a few words and lines, now as I have always said to alter but one word is to write a new poem.
Thank you for your input it was used as a tool to try and improve this one,
so we will see if there is more I can do.
I wonder where perfection is ??? lol
Thanks for your help, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
weirdelf
Sat, 2013-02-23 19:23
A wonderful poem
A small suggestion
stanza 2 line two replace beautiful with sublime. Beautiful is a truly horrible word in poetry.
This poem touched me and is one of your best.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Ian.T
Sun, 2013-02-24 02:50
Jess
Thanks, replacements for beautiful I have trouble with but have edited with sublime, I shall take care in future.
This is where critique come into its own, the improvement of poetry is its goal, thank you again,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..